I don't know what to do. We've been married for 5 years and he's gotten steadily worse with me. He's become more and more unreasonable and illogical and unkind. I'm suspecting he has NPD because it seems to describe him a lot.
People love him. He's funny and fun and generous and full of charisma. He's the life of the party. He's a genuinely good person and a good dad, and that's the guy I fell in love with. But since getting married and living together, every year he seems to like me less and less. He treats everyone else far better than he treats me.
He tears me down a lot and I absolutely dread events and holidays now because I know no matter what I do, I will fail to meet his expectations. He works full time in a demanding career and I work part-time and look after our house / life. But I never can make him happy. According to him,
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the house is constantly dirty (I don't agree that it is, and I often think he just makes this claim so he'll have something to be annoyed with me about).
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I never cook (yet I feel like I'm constantly feeding him and the kids, so I don't know what he means or expects).
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Every holiday and event is awful because according to him, I just suck. The gifts were wrong. Or the decorations are ugly. Or there aren't enough decorations. Or the Christmas tree is all wrong because I didn't put tinsel on it. Or the cake is the wrong flavor. Or the turkey is dry. Or there won't even be a specific complaint -- just that the whole thing "sucked".
I don't know what exactly it is (and often his complaints are vague and unfounded) but I feel very strongly that holidays trigger him somehow and he NEEDS to blame me. Keep in mind, he never helps with anything at all. He says he pays for everything and so he shouldn't have to deal with this stuff.
- there's always SOMETHING wrong with everything we own. The car I chose sucks (yet he can't explain why....it's just a normal car). I never have the right kind of dishes, or pillows, or blankets, or printer paper. There's just basically always something wrong. I so often hear "we can't even get a proper ______".
He also has strange expectations of me. He thinks I should just be able to MAKE things happen somehow. His doctor didn't give him a refill for a prescription, so he thinks I should be able to somehow just get him pills. He gets angry with me when I tell him that they won't refill prescriptions over the phone and tells me "nothing ever gets done when you look after it" and says I make excuses.
He wants to put on a show it seems for other people. He wants our house PERFECT. He wants the best car. The best clothes. The smartest kids. He loves to splash everything all over facebook (except me -- I'm literally never mentioned).
I do love him and all the anger and cruelty is beginning to wear me down. I don't know how to reason with him. He won't listen.....he just argues that I'm wrong.
I don't know what to do because I really really don't want to leave him. The thought makes me feel nauseous, and I am not even sure how to start over at this point. I see him be so wonderful and kind to other people. Just as an example, he routinely tells his niece (16) that she's gorgeous. He compliments her eyes, her hair, her outfit. I'm not meaning that he is inappropriate. I just mean that he literally never says a single word about me. Absolutely never. So when I hear him constantly notice and compliment someone else, it makes me realize that he does notice things, he IS able to compliment and knows it makes people feel good, but he can't be bothered with me.
Does anyone have any experience with NPD? Is there any hope?
tldr husband seems to be displaying a lot of narcissistic tendencies and I feel like an empty shell
Submitted October 31, 2018 at 07:18PM by crisfle1 https://ift.tt/2qlLrdB
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