Hi guys. Needing someone to talk to about this since I dont have a ton of close friends in a new state (SC). Thank you for any advice or opinions.
Back story:
Me: 22, college degree, well paying job, clean (can be paranoid about it), organized, goofy, more introvert than extrovert, some depression and extra personality (disconnecting from reality) issues, realist (probably a pessimist), all bills, animals, and apartment are in my name.
Her: 19, high school drop out (no equivalency), basically no job (seasonal job about to end next week paying like $2/hour under the table), messy, forgetful, funny, kind, social (more extroverted), severe depression and multiple medical issues, pessimist
My girlfriend and I met in February at a concert. We fell for each other immediately and we began talking constantly until becoming a couple a month later. Due to family problems at her home she moved in with me 2 months after we started dating. Before she came we agreed on bill splits (everything split half besides rent is 2/3rds me). So that's May she moved in. She did not get a job until mid September where she works as an actress at a haunted attraction. She makes 10c/guest. Shes made $180 since then and I have received $70 of it. That job ends Nov 5. Before she accepted this job we talked and agreed we can live off my income while she does this job so she can make some friends and get out of the house (were both new to the state/city so we have few friends) but she would have to be finding another job when shes not working to start come end of the season. Besides the job paying horribly shes there 7 nights a week and the place is just tons of drama that makes her upset but she wont quit. She is out of that job in 9 days but still has nothing lined up. 4 days of this past week she applied nowhere and called/checked on 0 applications. I feel like she doesnt want to have a real job and just wants to live off me sometimes. She gets upset any time I ask about her job hunt, tells me to stop bringing up places that are hiring at the moment because it bothers her etc. I just want her to be successful and a working adult but I feel like she doesnt even want help when she obviously needs it. She complains to me that I dont have faith in her but it's really hard when I've gotten $70 towards bills in 6 months and she has no job lined up. Just the other day I asked her to make sure she checked on a specific application and started laundry. When I got home she had done neither, telling me she forgot to do both and that she was too busy, even though she was able to sit on the couch watching a YouTube series. This is a common occurrence and it really bothers me since I am the kind of person that if something needs done, you do it ASAP. I come home every day during lunch and then at dinner to her on the couch watching anime, YouTube or laying down and it's starting to feel like that's all she wants to do. We have had many fights about this and she always says she will work harder and do more but nothing has changed for the better.
We have a puppy together that I work hard with to get trained, proper exercise etc and frequently when I come home the pup acts like she hasn't been exercised at all. If I ask her to spend time training her or go on longer works she kind of just sighs and rolls her eyes. She will take her to the bathroom and the park etc but any extra work seems like the end of the world. She was the one who wanted a dog so bad but I am feeling like I do all the work (which is fine if I was single I can handle it and love the dog). I have brought this up to her and she says she is on board for everything the dog needs but isnt showing it in my opinion.
As for household chores. Our agreement before her moving in was that I will handle: dishes, vacuuming, cat litter, trash and cleaning the bathroom. She is to handle: laundry, the kitchen, counters and the bedroom. Pretty fair I think. It started good but has since fallen off a lot. Laundry is the biggest one that bothers me. One load will take her multiple days. She will put a load in, not put in the dryer until the next day, take out and fold it, then put it away the next day or even later. This really bothers me and I've made her aware multiple times. Before she moved in I would do all the laundry in 1 day but 1 load for her takes multiple days. We've talked about it and in order to help her I have agreed to handle laundry on weekends but the past 3 or 4 weeks she has done no laundry during the week and it all falls on me come the weekend (even when I ask her to start it during the week). She will occasionally wipe down the stove top but I usually need to ask her to do it for it to get done. She is really good at cleaning out the fridge which I appreciate a lot as I can be forgetful about using food before it expires. However, cleaning countertops, the microwave and the sink almost never happen and I do it for her since I know she wont ever get to it. I'll ask her to clean the whole kitchen and she will wipe down the stove and swiffer the floor and be done.
I feel like I'm the bad guy since her depression is bad and she doesn't have access to medical help for it currently but I can not do it all. I grew up pretty poor so I take pride in my career and being successful at 22 but paying for all of our expenses kills me inside. I have student loans to pay and things to save for but I cant with all her expenses (gas, food, clothes, entertainment, dates, medical bills, car issues (her car sucks) etc). She always says she hates to have things paid for by others but that's all that's happening here. She will take her small paycheck and go out to fast food with coworkers, grab drinks daily at gas stations etc. These are all things I dont do in order to keep our budget together.
Now what's making me write this today. Her negativity and nagging has really gotten to me recently. I feel like I'm working really hard for our relationship and yet she constantly picks at and nags me about the littlest things. We are currently looking to move in January and the first thing this morning she was complaining to me about never listening to her about this one house by our nearby Walmart. Obviously I apologize for missing it but I definitely remember her mentioning it. Then we pass a sign for Little Caesars and she starts talking about how bad she wants it and misses eating it even though she knows the eating out budget it done for the month. Now I hate LC but I've ate it with her since it's her favorite. After we pass the sign she starts going on about how it would be nice if I'd eat it with her for once since it's her favorite and how she will eat anything I want because it's the nice thing to do. She never brings up eating there so we havent recently but she makes me the enemy over something I find so trivial. We dont eat at my favorite restaurant because she doesnt like it and that's okay we all have different likes and dislikes. She constantly gets on me about never doing certain things any more (ie you never take pictures of me, post enough pictures of her/us online) and yes I do forget to do some of these things at times but it's because I have higher priority things going on (chores, puppy, work etc). She frequently says things like "I wish you would do that for me" comparing me to others and it makes me feel awful about myself as a boyfriend. Usually things are pretty good but she gets into moods where it feels like all she wants to do is get onto me for something. I just want to come home, do what needs done and relax. It baffles me how much she can hurt my feelings when I am literally keeping a roof over her head, feeding her and way more beyond that.
Any help would be appreciated. I absolutely love her to death but I dont want to be the only one working hard in life. Maybe I'm just an asshole and need to get over it. Are my expectations too high?
TL;DR I pay all the bills and do almost all the cleaning and work around the house. Girlfriend is about to be out of a job, lays around the house all day, picks at me frequently and gets nothing done. Help.
Submitted October 27, 2018 at 08:36AM by MrPuffy123 https://ift.tt/2qg6Zsk
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