I have been dating my fiancé for about 6 or 7 years now. We have had a few road blocks in the past, but things seem to be relatively healthy now, especially our communication. It’s not perfect, but it’s improving.
I never dated anyone before him because we met so young. And I am so grateful that we have been committed over the years because we have shaped each other into better adults and humans in general. Over the years, he would make lighthearted jokes about me being attracted to women because I had never found men attractive until I met him. I brushed it off and continued to dismiss attraction to women as something everyone feels now and again. At the most, I thought okay, I’m a little bit more sexually fluid, but still straight because I’m happily dating a man. Yet the past few years were much harder to dismiss things. I began to recognize that it’s not really “normal” for a straight person to never find other men attractive but appreciate cute women.
I told my fiancé over the summer. I was crying and couldn’t say it out loud for the longest time. I didn’t want to make it real. It sounds so dramatic and stupid, but it just feels so wrong, like a part of me is broken. He quickly held me and told me it was okay over and over again. He said he’s always sort of known anyway, and if anything, he thinks it’s hot that I’m into women. I told him I had to tell him because when I was abroad over the summer, I had some weird moments with another woman.
To recap everything with my friend, we met studying abroad, and we have become very close since. While abroad, when we were alone together, things just felt different. Once, while drinking wine together, she talked about how the trip has showed her how women are so beautiful. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I changed the subject. There were other moments that felt more date-y, like spending the day together as she showed me her favorite places. And to be honest, I knew I was attracted to her, but I excused spending time with her alone as normal heterosexual friend stuff and that being abroad was overblowing my feelings.
Since returning to our school, things have settled into more of a normal platonic friendship, but there are are still moments that feel different. Like when she brushes and eyelash off me and we look at each other closely for a moment, or when she jokes about us acting like we’re in a relationship, or when we hug, and it’s like we both know that there has to be some space in between us. But she (and another girl that went abroad with us) are my best friends now. My fiancé has met them and hangs out with them sometimes, but I don’t know if I should distance myself from my friend.
My fiancé says that he’s fine with me having a crush on a friend, probably because he finds it attractive (he said he wouldn’t even mind me kissing another girl if I told him), but I’m worried that he doesn’t understand that it’s not just sexual. There’s emotional or romantic bonds that may be a threat to our relationship. I also don’t know how to delineate between close bonds of a friendship and bonds of something more.
TLDR: I’m in a serious relationship with a man, but I have a crush on my female friend. He knows and says he doesn’t care, but I’m still worried sometimes on how to navigate this situation.
Submitted October 27, 2018 at 10:43AM by ThrowAwayTrashq https://ift.tt/2qew4E3
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