Parents marriage getting ugly and abusive. Need some advice. 37yo m temporarily living with 71yo father & 64yo mother

I travel for about 6-8 months of the year and crash with my parents for the remainder of time. I came home in December for my grandmothers funeral and since I’ve been home, I’ve witnessed my parents marriage get real nasty and ugly. I should rephrase it to say my father get real nasty and ugly. It’s basically all him. Tonight I heard him say “I’ll fucking kill you get, back here” as she ran away from him in the hallway and said don’t touch me. I had to run upstairs and confront him and diffuse the entire situation. He is manipulative and verbally and mentally just wears you down, but this is the first violent threat and physical nature I’ve ever seen. To be fair I didn’t see him hit her but my impression was he probably tried to like grab at her as she was walking away from another of his verbal assaults.

Some background on my father and the dynamic of their situation. He’s kinda a dead beat. Worked minimum wage high school type jobs my whole life growing up, my mom is the entire financial support. Besides that, he stopped working when we took his mother in as she needed assistance in her elderly years, which was just a convenient excuse for him to “retire”.

He smokes weed all day every day, never leaves the house, watches tv all day, except the 3 days/week he babysits my sisters children. And he complains about doing that. He’s makes no money ($800/month social security which doesn’t even cover his dental and medical insurance). He orders from amazon non stop which creates financial strain on my mother. He routinely skips my mothers side of the families events just bc he doesn’t want to go and is antisocial. He’s the most difficult person in all of my family’s lives. Sometimes he shows there’s a good heart in there, he’ll offer to make you food or whatever, and he was great growing up to us as kids, coaching our teams etc. But that was a long time ago.

My mother was really sick in the hospital recently (2 surgeries, colostomy, reverse colostomy, was in the hospital for over a month the first time). He didn’t visit. Didn’t pick her up. Her mother (his MIL, my gma) passed away in December, days before Xmas. He bailed halfway through the wake and no showed the funeral bc he “had the shits”.

I have lost all patience with him and I’m tired of the excuse of that’s just how he his. In my opinion he should get kicked out on the street and blow through his half of the money (which pains me beyond belief bc my mom worked so hard for that). If they get divorced my mom and is kids lose the family home. I resent him so much for all this.

Anytime my mother goes to her sisters house or anywhere at all he just berates her, why couldn’t I come, why didn’t you tell me when you were coming home, why were you so late. It never ends. Meanwhile he never has any intention in going anywhere if there was an invite extended to him. He’s just being an asshole.

I feel it was the last straw the threats tonight. He says nasty mean terrible shit to my mother all the time but this was a violent threat. Even though he’s too much of a coward to follow through, I think he’s emotionally broken and said the most mean thing that came to his mouth before it hit his brain.

Just looking for outsiders thoughts advice on how to handle him. Divorce and selling house, my mom will be ok. She’s strong , works hard and has siblings to help support her. My dad has no one. Maybe deservedly so. His sister is estranged and stopped talking to him after their mothers death bc her belief he drained their mothers money with his spending (she’s not totally wrong but he did take her in and care for her for 9 years). His niece and nephew also left him in the dust.

My sister won’t take him in, would ruin her marriage. I don’t have a home, I’m a digital nomad with limited savings and I’m not letting him blow through my hard earned money. So what’s the move. Let him cash out in a divorce and blow through it and find a homeless shelter and never talk to him again? As much as I can’t stand him it’s hard to just abandon a father and throw him to the streets. I’m lost. Confused. Don’t know what to do. I feel so bad for my mom and it hurts me so much that she has to deal with this. It’s not fair. Any advice?

TLDR: my fathers abusive and doesn’t contribute anything and now he made physical violent threats at my mother.

Submitted May 05, 2023 at 09:49PM by Brosaroundtheglobe https://ift.tt/kjtlVDB