My brother asked me to babysit while he and his wife worked from home. I decided to help them and I did it for free. I didn’t realize that they were listening via nanny cam/baby monitor. I feel violated. My father thinks that I am in the wrong. This is long

I was struggling for a time and was dealing with a medical issue and I didn’t leave the house too often. It was after Covid and I had fatigue for two years. My younger brother was in a rut and needed a sitter to come 5 days a week to watch his children while both him and his wife worked from home.

For some context.. I have two brothers. One is slightly older than me, I will refer to him as Bob, and refer to my younger brother as Zach. My older brother Bob and I had it really rough growing up. Our mother became addicted to drugs and disappeared from our lives when I was 12 years old. My father took no interest in raising the older two (Bob and I) Both me and Bob spent time being homeless as teens.. and I got by living with older men… that sort of thing. Bob and I were eventually successful at finding pseudo families during this time.

Once I got a license and was able to drive a car.. I started going to visit Zach. I became heavily involved with Zachs life while my father remained mostly bitter towards me. My father remarried briefly but was mostly raising him as a single dad and he did not have a ton of money. It felt at times that he was afraid of me, and the reminder that I existed bothered him. I was never allowed around for very long. I’ll always believe he pushed me away because he did not have the means to take care of me. It always hurt me…but I dealt with it to see Zach.. this went on for years. The damage to my self worth from all of this was permanent. By this time Bob had been living in another state for years. I spoiled my little brother. I stepped up, big time. I made sure he always had nice clothes, a nice haircut. We were extremely close. I made him read all my favorite books at the same age I read them. When he became a teenager, we did so many things…went to so many concerts.. saw Radiohead several times.

Fast forward 15-20 years.. Dad is getting old and falling apart and because of that… we’re friends now. I’m married and middle aged and finally ok .. I’m past the rejection. I realize Dad is getting close to me because Zach got married and is starting a family and doesn’t have time for him anymore. I’m also worried that Zach will bail on taking care of dad. I often have to ask him to go see dad. I began to feel terrible for dad as this was a devastating loss for him. He became severely depressed when Zach left.

Anyway.. Zach gets married during Covid very privately and eventually has my niece. Meeting his wife and getting along with his wife was important to me. I bought them a ton of stuff (I’m not rich) I bought her daughter tons of stuff (I’m realizing there’s a pattern here) When he asked me to babysit, I had only met his wife one time (Covid) I was reluctant because I was at my worst. I was going through a midlife crisis and I was not feeling good. I didn’t get off the sofa for a while and was dealing with a serious dentaI issue. It was during a time I needed privacy in a serious way, I did not want to be seen. I tried to tell him I wasn’t in a good place (several times) and he promised to go easy on me. I went and helped him out anyway. I was worried I would make a bad impression and his wife would hate me. I was worried his wife would think I was trash. I did it anyway because he begged me.. I started showing up with my 13 year old son and helping out. Her child was 6 years old and has behavior issues. They are also the worst kind of helicopter parents. I did what they asked and helped out, cleaned… and my son was so good with playing with her kid. Her kid loved us. It seemed to be going smoothly but her daughter was a handful and my son would get annoyed (not in front of her)

I would playcate my son and of course under our breaths we spoke about what a brat she was. This was NOT in front of the child and I believed I was having a private conversation with my son. I didn’t know they were listening. It’s a two bedroom apartment.. they were literally in a room next to us… working. Why should I have assumed I was being nanny cammed if they are in the next room? I was also reprimanded by my brother a lot in front of my son for stupid things like saying a bad word in front of the step daughter. It was really overblown. I used the word “racist” while talking to my son.. and he snapped at me. I did not say anything offensive and the child did not hear me. After a few days of babysitting the mood totally changed. I noticed something was wrong and I got the feeling my brothers wife was mad. I was being scowled at.

Suddenly my son tells me that they are listening and can hear every single thing we are saying. I never noticed this, but I absolutely believe my son. I realized this was why the mood changed and was wrecking my brain trying to think of what I might have said that could have been construed poorly. I was bothered by this and it was not much longer til my brother reprimanded me again. I took my son and left. It has now been two years and I have not spoken to him. I have not seen my only niece..the only little girl who has the same blood as me.

I did mention the eavesdropping in a text after I left and made it clear that I was offended. He said nothing back. Months later, I texted him asking for photos of the baby and got nothing. Months later again.. I heard he got a new job, I sent him a text congratulating him.. nothing. I have tried to pretend it’s not a big deal but now it’s starting to bother me a lot. This has never happened before. I finally spoke with my father about it, and he assumes I’m the asshole here… like he always does. After an hour of trying to explain, I said there’s nothing I can say to explain myself when he is the favorite. This was the first time I ever said anything about favoritism to my father. He thinks the listening in was a normal situation .. but is it? Am I the asshole for being mad? After the first day of listening to us.. why wouldn’t my brother warn me? Or not care what his wife thinks of me? Am I the asshole here? Should I have expected this? Does my brother just not have any respect for me nor trust me? Should I bother even fixing this with my brother?

I’m sorry this was so long. If you have made it this far.. thanks for listening. It feels good to vent.

TL;DR- My baby brother who I raised wanted a free nanny 5 days a week. My son and I agreed to do it even though I was very unwell. They could hear everything we said… and my brother didn’t warn me. It was a small 2 bedroom apartment, and I didn’t believe the eavesdropping was necessary. I have not spoken to him since

Submitted May 13, 2023 at 01:34AM by Wehave200loveseats https://ift.tt/VRmufSY