TL;DR Boyfriend (M37) of 3 years went on a work trip a week ago. Since he got back, the communication between us is almost non-existent for an entire week now. How do I bring this up to him without sounding clingy or nagging? I don't want this to become a norm between us.
This is a follow-up after my initial post about boyfriend being weird with his communication while on a work trip.
Well, things took an even stranger turn during the days after he returned. He got back from his trip last Saturday in the morning. It's Friday now and I haven't seen him yet nor he has been actively engaging in a conversation with me over texts. Here's how things have been going:
- Saturday (the day he got back) - I suggested to meet and spend some time together. He said he'd like to have a day for himself since his trip was exhausting. I was totally cool with it, hoping that we would meet the following day. He didn't message much that day, I assumed he's tired.
- Sunday - I message him suggesting to go to the beach together for a few hours. He agreed, said he will meet me there. After waiting for him for 4 hours there I messaged him asking if he's still planning to come. He responded saying that he fell asleep and has a lot of chores to do this evening and suggested to meet for dinner the following day. I was very sad at that point, but said I understood he's tired and that I am looking forward to seeing him on Monday.
- Monday - in the morning he texted me saying that he met a colleague for a tennis game in the morning (he never plays tennis, but his colleague was visiting the town for a few days). All was good, I asked if he had fun, etc. Late afternoon he sends me a message saying that he has a lot of work to do so will not be able to meet for dinner. Not going to lie. At that point I bursted into tears as I started sensing something that is not right. I would never ever stress him out about meeting me instead of doing work so I just said that I understood, that I was looking forward to seeing him and that maybe we can meet any of the following days. He responded a few hours later saying that he will just have to see how it goes with work. I just said I missed him and that I am hoping things will be less busy soon.
- Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and now Friday - he hardly responded or read any of my messages. I don't text him a lot (he's busy after all so I am trying not to distract him too much). I would send a message asking about his day, when I should be able to see him, saying that I love him and he would not read those messages until the following day later afternoon/evening. Then would respond with one or two messages that he's still working and would disappear again. For example, yesterday, when he responded to my text from a previous day he said he is still working but had another tennis match in the morning. I asked how did the match go and asked if we can plan a few things to do together Friday night/Saturday. He didn't respond nor read those messages since yesterday 7pm.
In the past there was one occurrence when he put his phone on do-not-disturb mode for a few days when he was working more than usual and wasn't as available, but got back to normal communication right after that and would always respond to my texts at the end of the day.That's all I need - if he's busy during the day a message at the end of the day or in the morning would be more than enough for me, but he doesn't give me a headsup on what's he's doing and I feel like I am left in the dark.
I feel like I am losing my mind. He has his phone with him at all times, I can see him being online on social platforms, he meets his colleagues for tennis matches, so surely he should have at least a moment to check his phone for messages from me. I am starting to feel like he's actively ignoring me. We didn't have a proper conversation since before he left for his trip (two weeks ago) and everything seemed fine back then - we would text each other occasionally throughout the day, tell each other about what's been happening, plan when we are going to see each other or do something fun. We saw each other the day before his trip, everything seemed normal. This feels like some kind of switch that has been flipped. I really miss him. I am occupying myself with other things - work, exercise, meeting friends, but at the end of the day I am still concerned with why my partner is not even reading that one message I send him, especially after we haven't seen each other for a week while he was away.
I am trying to be patient and I haven't said anything yet about this, but I am getting really stressed out and my mind is trapped between the thoughts that a) he's truly incredibly busy and has no time for anything else and that I should calm down; and b) that he's avoiding any contact with me. If we were dating only for a few weeks or months I would probably assume that the guy is losing interest in me and is no longer interested in a relationship. But we have been together for three years and we went through a lot together. I am just really really confused.
I need some advice on how should approach this. How do I bring this up without coming across as clingy and nagging? I don't want this to become a norm in our relationship where I can hardly get a word from him for weeks on end and have no idea when I am going to be able to even see him. Any advice would be very appreciated.
Submitted May 19, 2023 at 03:47AM by Mundane-Being-6379 https://ift.tt/BHLGtFs
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