My husband works at a Walmart with a girl around our age who has 2 kids but she isn't in a relationship with either of their father's. I've had an issue with their friendship for a while as he's jumped through hoops trying to hide their conversations from me and when I asked him to stop I'd catch him a while later deleting regular texts, using messenger secret chats, or just sending photo snaps as responses to eachother. I told him he had to drop her out if respect for me, but he would just offer to make things more visible to me and then go back to hiding it. This was a cycle for a while. He swore up and down nothing was going on but he had to hide it because no matter what he does I get angry.. I was also asleep one day and he secretly met her with our kids at a park, I only found out because I saw on his statement that his card was charged in the town she lives in. This definitely upset me and we got into a heated argument over it, but he says our daughter has no kids around her age to play with and this is the only friend he has with a child, that our daughter deserved to have fun and he again couldn't tell me because he knew I'd overreact. I got over this but I did message her and tell her that I have boundaries, that I'd like them to be respected and that I was fine with them being friends so long as stuff wasn't being hidden from me anymore and she told me she would tell me anything I'd like to know, that I just had to ask because men can be "stupid". She also showed up to my daughters birthday party because he invited her without asking me first. My husband did admit that he would probably get with her if we ended up splitting one night when I asked him honestly. This made me a million times more uncomfortable with their relationship, but it continued. I've tried to be her friend and make it to where we could all hang out so he could be happy like he wanted but I don't like doing it and I feel like I'm being a loser. I also feel like we're just fake friends so she can continue talking to him and make me feel guilty for trying to have him cut her off completely when it's brought up. She admires him for staying with me so long (because she was abandoned by both of her baby daddies) and being here for our two daughters, she also had him do some baby cares for her newborn son that I wasn't comfortable with, like feeding him and changing his diapers. I once opened a message from her to him and left her on read, only for her to freak out and start replying with things like "tell me you never loved me, tell me you never cared about me and want me to die anything is better than the silent treatment, please" she was being extremely dramatic and I don't find this behavior typical of "just friends". He says that she is one of those people who says she loves everyone and it's not like that, she's just "weird". She also messaged me to apologize and say that he has no obligation to respond to her and she gets how that comes off but she didn't mean it like that. He told me he could never be with her because he doesn't want to assume responsibility of her two boys so I have nothing to worry about.. Anyway, It's mothers day and apparently the manager at their store was making fun of her for not getting any mother's day gifts but I'm skeptical of this being true because it's an odd thing to bully someone over.. Both of her baby daddies aren't good people and obviously wouldn't get her anything. My husband, saying that she was holding back tears, felt bad for her and apparently bought her a stuffed animal. I told him I didn't like him giving her any gifts and it set me off. I argued with him and told him I can't stay with him if he keeps disrespecting me, it isnt his job to make her feel better and replace gifts someone else should be giving her, he told me that I am ungrateful and that he can gift anyone he wants to, that I'm being controlling and won't allow him to have a friend. I'm wondering if I've been wrong for how I reacted.. and what should I do? I don't know how to handle this all and it's really hurting my feelings.. his relationship with her is putting a strain on our marriage but he insists on trying to make both work..
Tl;dr - Husband has fishy relationship with female co worker who has two sons. After a long history of them being suspect, I felt uncomfortable and told him not to give her gifts or hang out alone with her. He bought her a mothers day gift that set me off, told me I was ungrateful because he got me more and it was just a $5 bear to cheer up his friend who was being made fun of for not getting any mothers day gifts from her absent baby daddies, that I am controlling and he can gift whoever he likes.
Submitted May 14, 2023 at 02:41AM by urbanxye https://ift.tt/2LweKFn
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