I (28f) live with my husband (32m) and sister (31f) and it’s not working out and I’m feeling extremely guilty and overwhelmed.

I (28f) and my husband (32M) live with my sister (31f) and I don’t think it’s working out. Feeling extreme guilt.

I’ll just start from the beginning. I was on a family trip last year with my sister, husband, and dad. My sister had a huge seizure and we learned she has brain cancer. This was the worst time of my life and the thought of losing my sister was too much to bear as we are extremely close. My husband (then fiancé) and I decided to move back to the US from England and help with everything she was going through (packing all her things, moving out of Denver, flying around the country for doctors, etc.) It was a horrible time and was so scary. We were told it was terminal and inoperable.

Fast forward a year later. It’s still terminal and inoperable, but we’ve gotten a lot more information and realize she should be with us for a long time to come (at least we hope - Brian cancer is weird.) we’re all living in a house together and I thought things were fine, but slowly she has been opening up to me about how she feels like a loser, feels uncomfortable living with me and my husband, wants to have her own friends, etc.. I completely understand and it breaks my heart to hear this. But honestly, things have just gotten so tense.

She’s extremely OCD about how things are arranged in the house. Ok, that’s fine.. but the way she goes about things has just been so rude to both me and my husband. There’s been a lot of things I’ve allowed in the past for fear she wouldn’t want a relationship with me, but I’ve been going to a lot of therapy and learning to try and establish boundaries for myself. This recently came to a head over something very minuscule (a dish mat I bought and didn’t ask her if it was ok) and she got extremely upset with me and it has turned into a 5 day silent treatment from her.

I could go into detail, but long story is I’m afraid us living together is going to tarnish the relationship beyond repair and I don’t know how to get through to her that I’m not judging her, I just don’t want to be treated with disrespect. She asked me what she could do differently and I told her I had honestly lost patience and want to just have her guarantee she will still love me no matter what, but that I think she needs to move out.

I’d love to hear people’s perspective on this. I feel such extreme guilt and can’t tell if I just misinterpret everything. I don’t know what to think. I don’t want her to feel abandoned but I can’t continue to live in this state of shame/anxiety and really feel the distance would help us. Does anyone have any advise on how I can handle this with love? I’m scared she will bottle things up and decide to resent me forever.

TLDR:

My sister moved in with my husband and I when we found out about her cancer diagnosis. We now see she is ok to live on her own and we have a plan in place and the living situation has become unsustainable. How can I overcome the guilt from this?

Submitted May 16, 2023 at 07:58PM by muppetsinspacelol https://ift.tt/gfk0ubZ