Trying to rebuild a relationship with my dad (37M).. why is this so hard? :( I (15F) just need some advice how to make it better, what can I do

We were really best friends all my life but started having a complicated relationship since I started high school... a lot of it is all because of me, and I accept responsibility for it (so please don't come at me). I started smoking weed and drinking when I became a freshman, and snuck out of the house to hang out with friends during the summer, which really ruined his trust in me. There was just a lot going on last year. Then he caught me sneaking back in and whipped me with a belt all over the back of my legs and said I was grounded for the rest of the year. But since that incident, I have stopped all drugs and drinking completely, and I actually made some better friends in my fall semester who are really focused on schoolwork and tutoring me and stuff. I've also joined the cross country team. So then he let me have more freedom and trust me more this year.

But still things are not that great. My dad is extremely protective over me and can be scary when he is mad at me. I told him literally, daddy you really hurt me and I am scared to do or say anything now, and he just said, good, you should be, and walked away. I talked to him again like a few days later, and then he finally said that he was really sorry and he didn't mean to hit me. I said I forgive him and I would never hate him no matter what, and he just hugged me, and then walked away again. Like, we just start and stop conversations and nothing technically gets resolved. But I'm too scared to be like, stop walking away from me lol

I asked him this weekend, aren't I doing better now? Like actually doing school stuff and doing okay in cross country, aren't I being good? And he said yes.. but it didn't seem like he really wanted to talk.

I should mention he is a former military guy, was never like super emotional or lovey-dovey with me, but I was always his little girl and he did all the princess stuff for me. He used to love me a lot and you could tell. Now I feel like maybe he doesn't really like me that much anymore probably because I did all that stuff last year. I don't know how to prove to him that I'm back to normal again and I'm still the daughter he used to like.

I know it's my fault but I don't know what to do anymore. I try to act normal, and he's his normal self too, but like... it's just different. I can't explain it. What else can I do?

TLDR: I was acting like a fool last year and doing bad things, and when I got caught my dad kicked my ass and grounded me for like the entire year. Then I started doing better in school and stuff so he un-grounded me, but whenever I try to get close to him now, he seems to back away and doesn't want to talk about it. I feel like he doesn't like me anymore even though I've changed and improved. Do I still need to prove myself? What else can I do?

Submitted March 06, 2023 at 01:05PM by Secret_Coffee6768 https://ift.tt/DBSm3Lv