I (F20) have always thought I wanted to be a housewife. The women in my family are housewife’s in our family on both sides many generations back. From a young age I was “prepped” to be a housewife. I took the best cooking classes, taught to walk and live in heels since I was around 6-7, the whole nine yards.
My significant other (M23) is a software engineer and makes a healthy salary. When I first met him, I expressed my want to be a housewife and he was supportive. However, during breaks at school I realized two things 1) I was really bored, I felt like I wasn’t doing any “good” and I wanted to spend money without having to ask to buy a $1 treat every so often. 2) I want “nicer” things in life, such as a luxury car, large kitchen, etc. and it isn’t or wouldn’t be fair to put those expectations on him. As time went on, I realized I really wanted to be a psychologist. I have a good shot at getting into a PhD programs and I am enthusiastic about it.
My significant other is also encouraging of this but he named some “concerns” about our future. He stated he would want child care, any cooking and car payments to be split 50/50 if I was working, but not if I wasn’t. I explained that it wasn’t really logical because I would only be making at most 110k ten years from now a year and he is already making significantly more than that. He also said he would still expect me to “concentrate” on the home in terms of expenses. When I asked him to expand he said he didn’t want me spending my whole paycheck on facials and nails and what have you. To be fair, I was talking about getting luxury facials, and not paying for our home etc, but it felt really dismissive.
When I brought this up to him, he said that he already felt like I wasn’t contributing to the house and it felt shitty. I explained that I was taking over full time credits in undergrad and working at several non profits and making 0 dollars of income every year, despite this I pay 600 usd in rent and he pays 1200 usd. Meaning I pay 1/3 despite him making way over 100k. Which is fine! I’m not doing housewife duties, but it feels kind of ridiculous for him to expect me doing most of the housework and 1/3 rent.
He has also noted he feels really anxious about not having a stay at home parent and since he makes more he assumed that would be me.
All that being said, I get both sides and he has never pressured me to do anything, but I guess reality feels disappointing. Any thoughts are appreciated.
TL;Dr: I have recently decided I wanted to be a full time employee instead of a housewife and my SO is very hesitant about it and I’m not quite sure how to feel.
Additional info: work breakdown in the home as of now I cook, do floors and general cleaning, sort and fold laundry, make the bed, do bathrooms and restock everything (grocery shop etc). He washes the dishes and runs the laundry.
We have lived together 1 year dating 2.
Submitted December 17, 2022 at 07:20PM by Thrownaway_BC https://ift.tt/5EcDIPC
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