I (40f) didn't plan anything for NYE....I am always disappointing him (43m) and I feel like I just can't do anything right

I've been with Sam for 5 years. He loves adventure and "fun" and I'm introverted and a homebody. However, if there's something he wants to do, I'll do it with him.

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The problem is lately he wants me to plan everything, and I am not good at it. I do plan things, but it never seems to meet his expectations. If I decorate for Halloween, it's not BIG enough. If I put up lights for Christmas, there aren't enough lights. I decorate the tree and he's sending me out looking for tinsel (because apparently you MUST have tinsel) and eggnog on Christmas Eve. He always seems underwhelmed by the gifts I get him, so I think I have something akin to PTSD with regards to gifts. He'll ask me "why did you choose that for me? I like it, but just wondering?" <-- meaning he doesn't like it. For my gift, he'll take me to the mall and tell me to choose something. He doesn't have to ponder what I might want. He doesn't have to stress. He doesn't even have to wrap it.

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Anyway, my mom died 5 weeks ago and honestly I've not been in a celebratory mood this Christmas. I've felt like I'm in a bit of a fog. Nonetheless, he suddenly reminded me that tomorrow is New Year's Eve. I sort of panicked (knowing he'd expect us to be doing something) and started looking for things to do. Well I don't want to do any of them. They sound exhausting and they are very expensive. He then asked me to please plan something for us to do. I said we could watch a movie, get takeout and watch the fireworks. He said no...we should go do something.

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I'm starting to think maybe we are not compatible. I don't care about stuff like this (does that make me weird? I feel like it does). I hate parties. I hate crowds. I hate clubs. I really hate driving in the city (he doesn't drive). If I'm left to plan things, I'll plan stuff that's very low key. I also dislike that he tasks me to deal with stuff that only he cares about but he never plans anything. But at the same time I know looking after the social calendar is traditionally a "woman's role". And I'm failing miserably at it. Sigh.

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So I'm sitting here wondering if I should either take an event-planning course or just throw in the towel and break up? I'd hate to break up on New Year's Eve, but (and maybe it's the stress and grief of my mother's death) at this point I'm feeling like I'm not in the mood to deal with this event stress any further. Or does anyone have any suggestions for what to say to him to help him understand that we don't care about events to the same degree?

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tldr: I keep disappointing my boyfriend because he really cares about us regularly doing fun things and I don't find any of those things fun and I am awful at planning events.

Submitted December 30, 2022 at 08:29PM by Weekly-Clue-5069 https://ift.tt/CVlba4I