I (30M) love my mom dearly and would do anything for her. Over the years there have been a lot of tense moments where she needs to be in control and uses guilt, the cold shoulder, shutting down, and locking herself in her room and claims everyone is attacking her. Usually these are situations where if things don’t go her way or someone disagrees with her and says something, we are “attacking her”. The holidays are always tough and it is challenging to coordinate being in different places at different times. I live out of the state and spend 2 weeks during the holidays with my family and driving back and forth to my girlfriend’s family who are 2 hours away. My mom sprung up a last minute family get together 2 days ago for today and she knew I had plans already around that time and that the weather would be bad. I spent one night with my girlfriend and her family and drove back down to my parent’s house today. I left early because the weather was bad. My mom called me to check if I left and was on the way and said she moved the family get together up 2 hours sooner. I was annoyed because my mom has been known to put me in situations that test my loyalty to the family. She has lashed out at me in the past because spending 2 weeks with her and 3 days with my girlfriend’s family was not enough time with her. I confronted her today and told my mom that I am a “loyal son” and will do anything for the family even though she has questioned me in the past. She hates when my sister and I spend any time with our significant other’s family, because they are “too controlling” and it goes against our family loyalty. We talked for 30 minutes and the conversation ended with me taking the blame and her being the victim and then she proceeded to lock herself in her bedroom for the rest of the night. How can I proceed with this? Am I toxic?
TL;DR: my mom puts me in situations that test my loyalty to our family. My mom is always the victim and claims everyone is attacking her if we don’t do what she wants or something doesn’t go according to plan 100%. I spoke out tonight and let her know this was bothering me and a 30 minute tense discussion ends with me misinterpreting the situation and it is my fault. My mom locks herself in her bedroom for the rest tonight and refuses to talk to me. How can I proceed? Am I the problem for finally saying something?
Submitted December 23, 2022 at 07:00PM by throwaway999978654 https://ift.tt/WuV7dDw
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