My (24F) best friend (24F) is my roommate and she always has a lot to say about my dating life. I love her to death but if I had to single out one issue I have with her, it’s that she low key always always thinks she handles situations in the best way/ has the most correct conclusions for most issues. And then takes it VERY personally when someone doesn’t follow her advice or agree.
Anyway- I met a guy (25M, let’s call him John) off tinder this summer and we clicked like I had never clicked with before. Chemistry was instant and the sex ended up being crazy compatible and honestly the best of my life. It felt like we knew each other forever. Unfortunately, he didn’t live in my city - he was only house sitting for 2 weeks. He told me off the bat he didn’t think a LDR was possible for him right now. However, after all the things we said and nice moments we shared in a short, intense period of time (of which I know was a lot of lust) I mistakenly had hope he would change his mind. It did end totally a month after he left, and was sucky and sad for a week or two. I didn’t even really burden my roommate with venting or my feelings after I initially told her. Just lots of wistful song listening for a while and a cry or two in the car. Of course I let her know when I was feeling bummed about, but I didn’t go on and on and wasn’t depressed or anything like that.
Couple months later, a situation came up where it turned out I’d be visiting his city. My roommate essentially told me “I don’t think you should see him. This is my advice and if you do end up seeing him, I will have to distance myself from you.” This made me really uncomfortable and was a bit intense and I told her as much. She told me she just didn’t want to deal with the aftermath if it was bad.
Well I did see him. And I never told her and she none the wiser. And it feels gross to keep it from her but I just don’t want that judgement and magnifying glass on that part of my life. I had a better grasp on the situation and was able to move on much easier than before after seeing John in his city. I did try to pursue other relationships, they just didn’t work. Roommate was also way too vocal about my last “failed” attempt. Dude broke it off and tried to come back a week later. I wasn’t going to go back but before I even said so she said “I don’t think you would respect/ feel good about yourself if you backslide.” Like…I WONT, but if I did, I’m PRETTY sure I’d still find a way to respect myself.
Now, a few months after I visited Johns city, he’s visiting my city again. He’d have to come to my place (he stays with family when here) and I have to tell my roommate if I want to see him. And I do.
How do I navigate telling my roommate this is my decision/ breaking it to her to her that I’ve been in contact with this guy and not told her? I don’t want to come off as being way super defensive off the bat and give her a huge shock but like…I feel like she made this happen in a way. Yeah, there’s a chance my feelings might get hurt but I feel like I have my wits about me regarding what John really wants. And I want to have really fun sex with someone who really likes me. Fucking sue me. Maybe I’m the dumbass here though. I know she just cares.
Tl;dr: I feel like my best friend has been very judgmental about how I should handle my dating/ sex life. I’m now scared to tell her I’m seeing someone from my recent past.
Submitted December 15, 2022 at 05:09AM by peachbun11 https://ift.tt/ztnWkSK
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