TDLR: Husband refuses to let our daughter or I go with him to a certain store. I never noticed and when I confronted him he had excuses and seemed to try to turn it around on me.
So this I feel is like ridiculous.
I am female 43 and my husband is 48 and we have been together 16 years.
I prefer to do errands alone without my 6 year old or husband, because it's easier to get done. BUT I never refuse to allow them to come if they are already with me whether they come in or hang in the car. As a parent I know sometimes errands have to be done with your kid, and honestly sometimes I want my kid to come or my husband. I have never refused their presence and purposely drove them home before going to any store. I also have never forbid either of them from coming with me to one particular place.
I say all of that because I realized tonight my husband is purposely keeping me and our daughter from going with him to a specific convenience store that he goes to 15 mins away (it's over state line with no sales tax for cigarettes. I know gross but not the point). He found this place 3 years ago when we moved to our home. I've gone there myself when he first found it maybe 2 times. Prior to being out of work temporarily due to injury he would go after work or on the wkend and there would be no reason for my daughter or I to go. But that changed.
I never noticed or thought much of how he would take our daughter (who is 6) to other stores that were similar with no issue, but when he would tell me he was picking her up from school and then dropping her to me (me working from home), and then going to this place, I would ask why wouldn't he just bring her with him. He would excuse it as if she was an issue. Like he didn't want to have to listen to her in the car or ask him for things in the store. Listen to what? Her talking about her day after school? Singing songs on the radio? He literally goes over my head to get her candy at every store he normally takes her to. He takes her to other places that are longer distances with no complaints, and she doesn't have behavior issues. But again I didn't pay it any attention.
A couple months ago on our way home he said he was dropping her and I off at home so he could take the ride and I said to just go since we were already in the car, and that I'd sit with her in the car (because of his prior complaints of dealing with her). He tried to say no but ultimately did go to the store and we stayed in the car, like no big deal. Normal.
Then today happened.
This morning we were to be at my brother's for 11am for a post Xmas brunch and one of my brothers had our daughter from a sleepover the night before and would be bringing her. At 1030 my husband says he is leaving to go to that store and he will be back to pick me up. At the time i didn't think to question why we wouldn't just go together and then go to my brothers. I just retorted that the store could wait since we didn't need any at the moment and we had to be at my brother's in a half hour and we would be late otherwise. He seemed a little annoyed but conceded.
A few hours later we were leaving my brothers house and our daughter was having another sleepover with her other cousin (gotta love Xmas vk). So husband and I get in the car surprisingly kid free so I said "why don't we go to get thr cigarettes at that store and either go grab food or pick up take out and go home." He immediately tells me he will just drop me off at home and go for cigarettes. I again state, we are already in the car so let's just go for the ride together. Then he tells me our dog can't be left home alone.
She is crated due to being a menace that causes her health issues and she is great with the crate and we dont even leave her home alone for a full work day so an extra 20 mins wouldnt be an issue and he didnt think it was an issue when he wanted to leave her cratef for longer the day before and i refused. (Our dog will literally eat anything from paint off a wall to small plastic toys found inside couch cushions to plastic bags, she is a danger to herself and is not a puppy. I dont like having to crate her at all but its for her sake when home alone.)
So finally I ask him "What is the issue you have with me or our daughter going with you to this store? I don't get why you refuse to ever let us go with you."
His reply? "I prefer to do this ride alone." THATS IT. And then he dropped me off at the house and I slammed the car door. I'm not sure how long he took but he came back and was mad at me.
It's not like he doesn't get time for himself. He literally goes to the docs 3 times a week so he gets about 90 mins all together in the car alone 3 times a week, does take this ride to this store alone at other times (not every day), he lays on the couch and watches TV all day, and I also take our daughter to her activities or to visit family or friends for all together a few hours a week. I mean he gets more alone time than I get.
I prefer to take rides to any store alone, but I also don't flat out refuse to do it any other way, and there isn't one place no one is ever allowed to take the ride to, so i think this is weird. Then I thought about all of it, how he has just made up any reason and literally just refuses to allow us on this ride. He has never been gone a super long time, and it's not like I'm timing him, and it does not make sense to me. Like is this normal? Am I nuts?
So when he came home all pissy that I was so mad and slammed the door. I told him that I just didn't understand why I needed to be dropped off. Why I couldn't take the ride, why I had to wait till he got back for us to go grab food.
You know what he says??? "I never ask you what your doing when you go out. I told you why I wanted to drop you off and automatically I must be doing something wrong."
First off, he doesn't have to ask me what I'm doing because I always tell him where I'm going and what I'm doing. He never has to ask. Because that's common courtesy in a relationship. I didn't ask him what he was doing, I thought he was just going there to get cigarettes, soooooo.
Second, I didn't accuse him of doing anything wrong. I only said it was weird, cause to me, what is the fucking problem with me going for a ride to this store?
Then he turned this discussion into him being mad at me and started bringing up other things ( me accidentally falling asleep on the couch Watchung TV yesterday afternoon, which i never do and him bringing it up was the most ridiculous thing).
I felt like he was trying to distract from the store topic.
The way I see it is, if your not doing anything wrong then why can't I go for the ride. This was literally the first time it was just him and I in the car that I ever said to just take me for the ride, and this was the result. It's not like I'm demanding to be with him 24/7 at all.
Like does this seem shady? Or is it actually possible he just wants to take this ride to the particular store alone always for a quiet ride alone only.
I feel like this is stupid, and this shouldn't be a fight in any way, but I just feel like I am either nuts or something else is happening.
Submitted December 26, 2022 at 10:40PM by McflyThrowaway01 https://ift.tt/CAHkVDt
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