Together for 16 years, married for 13. No kids.
I am incredibly career and education minded. I hold a number of advanced degrees, and worked a few lucrative jobs including as senior managers and on city government boards. My husband is, just well not. He didn't graduate high school and never went to college. All of which I am perfectly OK with. He gets happiness through other aspects of life. He is my biggest supporter, and always worked diligently to take care of stuff at home so I can focus on what brings me happiness.
For years, the plan was for me to get a high paying job, and he would either drop down to part time (he's a bartender), or quit completely and just be a house husband. I should note that we have had this arrangement in the past, but I wasn't quite making enough. I also have a bad habit of throwing myself completely into my work. Both of these things caused us to fight in the past.
After years of hard work, I finally got offered an amazing job as the director of a non-profit homeless shelter. I absolutely loved the work. After about six months, I suggested now might be a good time to drop hours or quit and enjoy his time. He said he didn't want to, which was also fine with me.
A few weeks after that he came to me saying he was unhappy with my job. One of the down sides about this job was that there was absolutely no 'off' time. I was working 60 hours week, and still fielding phone calls at all hours of the night. He said that he missed me, that I was always wrapped up in my phone, that I never wanted to play video games anymore, that he was lonely and didn't feel appreciated by me.
I was upset with his words, but recognized the validity of them and promised him I would work on the issues. I went into my shelter and tried to figure out any way I could be at work less. But it really wasn't possible. So I resigned. We had enough in savings to last us over a year with too much struggle. And I figured he would be happy having me home all the time.
So, the situation. It's been about a month since I resigned. Since then I have become Betty fucking croker. I clean, I cook. I have taken over 95% of the chores, I make a home made meal every night (before this we just ate take out all the time). I text him throughout the day. I ask him to play video games all the time, or offer him time to play his solo games. I ask about work. I'm present and engaged. We are often times having really intense discussions about politics, movies, books. I greet him at the door with a cocktail after he gets home from work. Literally anything and everything I can think of.
And he still seems miserable. He's always depressed and mopey. He's having some physical issues. He had a concussion (this started before that). He's always tired, says he's always sore. Has no interest in doing anything.
Any time I ask him what's wrong or if he wants to talk, he just says he's fine or he doesn't know. He's had depression in the past, but I'm having a hard time getting to consider that as an option.
I am completely at a loss. What's the best way to address this?
Tl;dr Quit director position to be able to spend more time with husband. It's been a month and he's still miserable all the time. No idea what to do. Help, reddit?
Submitted December 20, 2022 at 11:21PM by Lzharsh91 https://ift.tt/JH7BVoM
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