Me (28M) and my long-term girlfriend (28F) of nearly 6 years have had a really tough year. To contextualize the rest of this post, we're both very much in love with each other and very vocal about it. Our communication skills are excellent and we talk about everything (good or bad) honestly and openly. She is probably my life partner who I will spend the rest of my life with, and she feels the same.
Two years ago we moved in together. Starting last year, we started talking about the relationship feeling weird. Stagnant. We used to talk about a mortgage, giving birth and marriage often, and now these are taboo topics we don't really touch. Our conversations are sadder now, like the relationship is inevitably ending, which is strange to me because we both love each other and don't have any obvious issues. We're both very committed and want to tackle this problem and get over it, which is why I'm posting here.
Initially I thought the problem might be me. I'd been working from home a lot, waking up later than usual, not hitting the gym as much - you know, getting lazy after being in a long relationship. Not good. So I changed that completely and I've been working really hard to reach peak form both physically and mentally again. We had a conversation recently in which she said she wishes that was the problem, but it makes her sad because it didn't make her feel any different, the boredom is still there. And that's the word we really got stuck on: boredom.
I don't think it's the relationship ending, but I totally agree with her that it's there. Like how the idea of breaking up and seeing other people is really exciting, but terrifying because of how committed we are and how tightly intertwined our lives are together. We don't want to do that, but floated it as a topic.
I think that ultimately we're both bored. I think we missed a few milestones - some friends are having children now, and it means that we're just slogging the days away, doing the 9-5. Moving in together honestly feels like the worst decision: we're still excellent together, but very bored. We've talked about moving out and maybe chilling back into our own lives again and going back to being a weekend couple, but that feels like a huge step back when moving in was so big for us.
We came to this realisation very recently and it excited us as we were finally able to put our finger on it. We've talked about how to make it better, and travelling seems to be the biggest factor (we've NEVER been on a holiday!) and have one booked very soon. 2023 is going to be very busy - I'll be starting my PhD and she'll have a new job, so our lives will definitely get more exciting and independent. My hobbies are very involved, but hers not so, and I'd like to help her figure it out on her own so she has more alone time away from me.
TL;DR
This is a bit of a ramble sorry, as it's quite late, but the point of this post is to ask if anyone's ever been in a similar situation. Long-term couples get bored, surely. It's natural. But how do you battle through that? How do you find individual meaning when you've been a couple for so long? Excitement? What can we do to fix this?
Thanks, look forward to hearing your stories.
Submitted December 29, 2022 at 02:34PM by robmichaelfield https://ift.tt/vcY9A1O
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