Not sure if I need perspective or if I just want to whine to someone. Maybe both.
I (early 30s NB) am on a trip with my partner (late 30s NB) and some of their closest friends. They have been very excited about this for months--in serious need of a real vacation and wanting me to meet these people. Long, long time since I've traveled for virus and finance reasons. Younger and less well off than anyone here. I'll add that I have had a lot on my plate career and health wise and the prospect of a big trip with a bunch of people who have known each other for decades was intimidating. I said yes anyway. It was important to my partner and I was sure I could rise to the occasion. I'll add this was a week where I anticipated a lot of deadlines that would be hard to work around, but no one else was flexible with the timing. They are all well off and I am at a crucial point where I am about to begin a real career after years of struggling.
We are seven days in. I have been asked two personal questions by one person. Another person asked if I needed a digestive aid. Otherwise, they have only conversed with each other about their own shared memories. I chime in when possible, I actively listen and appear engaged, laugh and comment where appropriate. I ask follow up questions when I can get a word in. I definitely expected this to a degree, of course. But it feels like I'm here by mistake, or that I'm not here at all. I go to meals with them all, as my partner expects, and then I'm pretty much left sitting there the whole time. I thought this would get better during our time here but it has not. It's like I'm a phantom limb of my partner's instead of an actual person. None of them talk to me. And honestly, my partner doesn't really make much of an attempt to include me. Initially partner was somewhat aware, but is now kind of baffled when I tell them I have felt lonely.
I've just never experienced this before, and I can't imagine the situation in reverse. I was always taught that it is rude to exclude anyone in a conversation; this is EVERY conversation. I don't even like talking about myself, and I expect there to be nostalgia and reminiscing over so much shared history. But there are plenty of subjects to talk about, interests we have in common, even. It just feels bizarre to invite someone along on an intimate and honestly kind of a big deal trip only to show no interest in them, your long time best friend's potential life partner, at all. I feel like a stand in or an extra, or a plastic plant in the background. Including the two of us, there are five people here. My partner and I have been together for several years, but I've not met these people before. We've definitely argued about communicating and meeting each other's emotional needs, as any couple does, but no red flag stuff to suggest that this is some strange passive aggressive ploy or protracted indifference on their part.
It was not easy for me to come here and the workload I anticipated is actually worse. They are sleeping while I write this. I suppose this post is somewhat recognizable but I'm not sure I care. I have toughed out illness to celebrate with them during this trip and taken Covid risks that I'm honestly not even comfortable with. All the while they continuously tell me how much they love me and need me and want to wed me. In a sense I believe them; I think they are afraid to lose me, or at least what I make them feel. Are people just this myopic sometimes? Am I being selfish? I am typing this because I can't concentrate even as I eye numerous swiftly approaching deadlines. Not sure what I'm looking for here or if this is even the right community. Just feeling really fucking alone and inconsequential in the most basic, essential way. Doubt I'll get a response, but if I'm actually being a drama queen, do let me know.
TLDR: vacationing with long term partner of 3+ years and their friends, consistently excluded, am i wrong to feel unhappy?
Submitted December 01, 2022 at 01:55AM by throwawaymassivesad https://ift.tt/enNRFZa
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