UPDATE: I (19F) don't know if I should continue to live at home with my emotionally abusive stepmom or move out

August 11, 2022 UPDATE

Original Post

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My boyfriend and I have decided to move forward with option 3 from my last post, which is to move into an apartment together. Our ideal time to move out and in to an apartment would be around November to January if possible!

Tomorrow I'm going to go on an apartment tour of the cheapest place we could find in distance to college campus. Rent is about $720 and this doesn't include electric or internet. Internet is provided through them only and must be paid for. If everything goes as planned we plan on joining the wait-list. We gave ourselves a few months to help us prepare physically and mentally. Growing our emergency funds in the mean time. I have up'd my work load to about 4 to 5 shifts a week. I am a bit more physically tired but within 3 days of working 6 to 5 hours shifts I made over $250 serving. My goal is to make around $1000 a month which is about $250 a week, so this is amazing progress to see.

I tried to explain to my dad why I want to leave and he doesn't really understand. He tried to say that she loves me and she cares about me. She sees herself in me and just wants to protect me, and he did not recognize the pain that she has caused me. He did recognize that sometimes she says mean things and he doesn't know why. I begged him not to tell her and he hasn't. She hasn't said or done anything since we've been home from vacation but I think that's because I stay away from her 24/7.

My dad told me that if I moved out he would be disappointed in me because I wouldn't be saving money, but he'd keep me on his phone plan and under his car and health insurance. I would still pay him for my car insurance monthly. My mom is encouraging me to live on my own with my boyfriend and has told me multiple times that in an emergency she's there to help me. I bought a cheap almost brand new mattress off Facebook and she picked it up for me and is storing it in her guest room for when my partner and I move out of our respective homes.

The biggest thing I face now is the fear and guilt I feel knowing I will be disappointing my dad. Obviously I know that I shouldn't feel guilty for leaving when he doesn't seem to care for how I am treated by my step mom, but I also believe he is a victim but also allowing the problem to go on. I love my dad and I appreciate his support, but it's always been with stipulations. Due to my dad and stepmoms parenting styles I fear authority, and always feel guilty for not meeting their expectations. Most of the time when I didn't meet expectations I was punished. So now fear that disappointing my dad will lead to his support of helping me afford to move out on my own, and school, will be taken away, specifically through my stepmoms encouragement. I want to be brave and choose this for myself with confidence that even though I'm letting others down I am happy with myself and my choice, but it's hard to be when I feel so afraid of punishment.

Thanks for all those who have stuck through the story and read both of these posts. I appreciate all the encouragement and help from those I love, like my mom, boyfriend, friend's, and my counciler.

TLDR: My stepmom is crazy and I am choosing to move out with my boyfriend despite my dad and stepmoms whishes.

Submitted August 11, 2022 at 07:43PM by Shoddy_Dragonfruit38 https://ift.tt/OHrVExI