BF (26M) thinks I’m (25F) controlling for being worried about his drinking habits and asking him to stop drinking

My (25F) BF and I have a generally great relationship. He has said I understand him more than anyone, and that he loves me deeply, etc. he’s hardly an emotional guy so this is a big thing for him.

He enjoys a nice beer, which is great, but the problem is when he starts he can hardly stop, and when he’s drunk he gets aggressive — it’s almost like he has become a different person. He has often admitted to having verbally abused me when drunk, and then expressed remorse the next morning, before we patch up. (He says he never means it, and he knew what would hurt me, and deliberately would say them TO hurt me in the moment of anger.) He has even said that he is aware that once he starts he simply cannot stop drinking, and that the only solution is to stop drinking altogether.

Here is the issue: when he starts drinking now, I panic because I know what is to come, and I try to stop him (he buys a 4-pack at a time, says he will stop at 2, but never does. In fact he usually doesn’t stop at a 4-pack). He gets angry that I get upset at him starting to drink, and says that’s the reason he drinks more. It’s basically a vicious cycle.

Last week, when he was drinking and starting to provoke me, I tried to de escalate the situation by removing myself from his presence altogether. He was still angry, though, and kept drinking and he was very aggressive when he got home. He said that he wasn’t mad at me, though, just mad — but he didn’t know what at.

I suggested he start going to therapy — and said that I would call for him and sign him up if he kept drinking to excess and getting aggressive. But he thinks I’m the reason behind his alcoholism because he needs to escape from my annoyance. He has still been drunk despite me having nothing to do with the situation though. He says he wants to break up with me, I am a party pooper, and bring negativity into his life.

This week we tried to compromise on how much is a healthy amount to drink, but he couldn’t keep to it and tried to hide the fact that he had drunk — his smell and behaviour were giveaways.

Am I at fault or wrong for being concerned about his drinking habits?

Might be worth mentioning that despite having very little disposable income he spends all of it on booze.

Tl;dr — I think BF drinks an unhealthy amount of booze. I ask him to stop. He can’t. Vicious cycle ensues. He thinks I’m controlling and wants to break up with me

Submitted July 31, 2022 at 05:59PM by Defiant_Computer_946 https://ift.tt/priQLIR