I (30F) was seeing a guy for a few months who disappeared for a couple weeks which was very upsetting to me. He ended up apologizing and we’ve had a bit of communication and made plans to potentially meet up in person and talk which I was very much looking forward to. I have separate thoughts about that situation. (This is just background context)
I was out with a group of girlfriends on Friday and updated them and mentioned we had tentative plans to see each other in person and how excited I was for that. I sent him a brief text that night and went home and everything was fine.
Starting the next day I haven’t heard anything from him and I also wasn’t hearing anything from one of my closest friends (25F). The second part is unusual because we usually speak every single day and spend a lot of time together so it was very strange that there was little to no in communication on her end for several days.
On Monday I followed up with the guy and let him know what my schedule was like. He responded that he was under the impression that I wanted him to leave me alone and stay away from me. And now he won’t reply to me.
This was very confusing and I panicked because I thought maybe I had drunk texted something embarrassing and was worried that I screwed up. So I reach out to my close friends in a panic kind of frantically trying to figure out how to fix it.
My friend replies that it may be her fault because she might have messaged him after drinking and said something along those lines to him without me knowing. I asked her very specifically exactly what she said and she will not tell me. She says 1. she sent the messages and then deleted them and woke up the next morning just with his response saying “okay”. And 2. She was drunk so she doesn’t remember what she said.
I see a lot of red flags with that explanation and also the fact that is she didn’t tell me sooner and waited until I brought up the situation to confess. This isn’t the first time she has done some thing that has caused issues with this man being in my life, she has been very vocal about not wanting me to date him. She has tried to set me up with several people I do not like, in a way that I feel it has been very insensitive to this man that I do like and I was seeing exclusively at the time. He’s also expressed that he’s very insecure about the fact that he feels like my friend doesn’t like him and doesn’t want him around and that has also caused issues with my relationship with this man. I’ve spoken to her a lot about why he is very important to me and how much I genuinely care about him. And also how sad I would be to not have him in my life.
Now he won’t speak to me and I’m honestly worried he will never talk to me ever again because I know whatever she said it was horrible and probably very mean. She can be pretty ruthless and also has a habit of stretching the truth or Blatantly lying about things that are not true which as her friend you sort of have to read between the lines of what she says sometimes. That being said she has been a very good friend and a lot of other ways and genuinely also seems to care a lot and want the best or what she thinks is the best for people.
She did something similar with another one of our friends after mentioning that she was upset she had introduced me to her and that we hung out a few times without her . she drunkenly went off on her about a bunch of things that were not true and now that friend will no longer speak to me . She also said some thing to another man in my life who is very important to me for other reasons but thankfully he kind of brushed it off and I’m still very good friends with him . it was for the same reason that she did not want me to date him and did not want him in my life.
She is one of my best and closest friends and I don’t know what to do. I feel very betrayed And think that she crossed the line. Also the only man that I’ve been interested in dating in years will probably never speak to me again. It was very important to me that if things end with him they ended on my terms because I feel like I’m always having things happen to me and I don’t get to have control over the situation in my life and that she took that away from me. I know she genuinely cares about me and that’s probably why she did it but I don’t know if I can forgive someone for this. She’s also a huge part of my friend group so if I were to break things off with her I would really lose a huge part of my life.
How mad of my supposed to be about this? Because I’m debating ending my friendship over her doing this and I’m having a very hard time deciding what to do. Quite frankly I am way too old for this shit.
TL;DR: One of my best friends went behind my back and told the man I’m seeing and really care about to leave me alone and probably a bunch of other terrible things that neither of them will tell me. And it caused this man stop talking to me. Do I have to end my friendship?
Submitted February 01, 2022 at 11:22PM by bananastealingcat https://ift.tt/X2jrYwCo3
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