My (28f) partner (35m) doesn’t understand the difference between a debate and an intellectual discussion and frequently shuts my points down as unrelated or condescending.

Tl;Dr: my boyfriend shuts down my attempts to take conversation topics deeper (ie about their larger sociological implications) and accuses me of being condescending; I’m not sure if this is a minor or major incompatibility in regards to intellect.

For example, my boyfriend might bring up a scene in a movie or tv show. If I make a comment through a critical analysis lens (for example, commentary on race, class or gender) or connect it to themes from other media or events, he will often accuse me of trying to “turn everything into a debate” or say that what I’m saying “is about something completely different”. I’ve been in social circles during my adolescence and adult life were conversations about these topics were encouraged rather than taboo, but I think he is used to these topics not being brought up “in polite company”. It’s frustrating because I feel like I can’t take conversations to an intellectual level with him. I feel bad being frustrated, particularly as I have more formal education than my partner and wonder if he’s secretly insecure when I bring these topics up…but I have friends without formal education are very analytical and politically/socially informed. He has said he’d like to study film if he went to school , but honestly I think he’d struggle because of how avoidant he is of critical analysis topics like race,class and gender (which are hard to avoid if you study the humanities).

He is also someone that tends to shut down political conversations with “I wish everyone could just get along” type of comments that to me, indicate a default moderatism point of view. Honestly, because his family is conservative and friends tend to be more leftist, and because his own views aren’t particularly well developed, I think he feels uncomfortable when political topics are brought up. I’m younger and my own family leans liberal/libertarian, but I’ve never been afraid to talk about my own beliefs around family even when they aren’t in agreement.

I’m not sure if these are dealbreakers are not. My partner often assumes I’m condescending when I’m making comments that are legitimately thinking out loud or intended to spark deeper conversations. I love my partner and enjoy his company, but I know we see the world differently in some ways. I do find myself wishing I he understood how my brain worked and that he showed more prowess in these sorts of discussions. Is this a pretty minor incompatibility or something more serious? I’m wondering if anyone else has had a similar dynamic and if they just saved these conversations for their friends rather than their partners.

Submitted February 27, 2022 at 08:11PM by Flowtivation https://ift.tt/bAPOoYy