It’s tough dating a widower. I never feel good enough to measure up to his late wife. Should I approach this with him? How do I deal with it?

I (f60) am in a serious relationship with a widower (67m) who was married to his late wife for 30 years. She died very suddenly 8 years ago and he said was ‘utterly devastated’ and ‘hit bottom with no will to live’. He dated someone for a few years after ‘because he was lonely and needed someone to take care of’ but broke up with her after realizing it was going nowhere… now, forward 2 years - we have met and have fallen in love with each other and he has asked me to marry him. The issue is - I am insecure in his love for me. I don’t think he loves me like he did, her. I feel like I’ll never measure up to her. He put a lot of her things and clothes and crafts and some personal items in a spare bedroom in his house and he calls it ‘her’ room when friends come over. He says he hasn’t touched it since the year she passed. Personally, I don’t even like walking by it, it feels like a ghost living in the house or a shrine to a saint. He asks to be alone on their anniversary, the anniversary of her death and her birthday. Today he told someone that he moved to this town after ‘(I) met my wife, got married and raised our kids here’. I get very sad and feel ‘less than’, - Will he still refer to her as his wife after we get married? Will he ever let go of the ‘shrine’? Will he eventually treat me as good as he did her? Or will this grieving go on forever? How can or should I deal with these hurt feelings? I love him so much but don’t want this to be one-sided. Widowers, please weigh in, or anyone that can relate. Thanks

TL;DR! how do I handle the insecurity I have in dating a widower who ADORED his late wife?

Submitted February 16, 2022 at 07:22PM by armaugh https://ift.tt/lAPTBWt