My wife was diagnosed last January with Stage 4 Breast Cancer, she started treatment last February and has now been in remission since August. We should be celebrating. Last April I was fire from my job due to productivity, I was absent to take my wife to some of her treatments. To make ends meet last summer I drove for Uber. One time in June or July, I don't remember which. I was happy at the end of the day because I had reached my goal for the day in terms of how much money I had made. I got home and after my wife was asleep I was on my computer paying bills when I discovered that my wife had gone on a spending spree and had spent all of the money I made and more on herself. When I confronted her about it she told me that if I wanted her to keep living then we needed to avoid all stress and I needed to do what all of her friends had done and table any interpersonal issues until after she was cancer free. I told her then that if I can't bring up things that upset me that she's done then that's not how a relationship works, and she accused me of wanting her to die of cancer. We've had more fights in the past year than any other time in our relationship, and all of them come down to I think I have a right to express when I feel like I'm being used and I now feel she wants me to sit down and STFU.
Now she's made it clear that remission isn't the end of this, that now she has to be stress free for the rest of her life. And you guessed it, I'm not allowed to have any problem with her because it's causes stress. And on top of that she accuses me of pressuring her for sex, when I'm showing her the same affection in the same way as I always have. She expects me to change the entire way I show affection to avoid "triggering" her.
I feel like she's using me, that's she's using the situation to change the entire dynamic of the relationship to her advantage, that she doesn't care about me at all. I feel like my wife died of cancer last year.
TLDR; Wife got cancer, wife accused me of wanting her dead every time we had interpersonal issues, now wife is in remission and she says she wants to continue this dynamic permanently. And she expect me to go along with this without having a problem with it, and if I'm not on board then she's made it clear I'm disposable.
Edit: also last summer she threatened to kick me out, and told me we need marriage counseling. we've discussed it several times since then and budget has tabled that each time, yesterday she accused me of breaking the promise to go to counseling and gave me a deadline to get it scheduled. She claims to have known all a long of free options run by local churches, but never broth that up when we discussed the counselling, and never scheduled the session herself. I see that as just another way she makes me the bad guy, so she doesn't have to be the bad guy.
Edit: The August of 2020 I discovered the first time she betrayed my trust by committing financial infidelity. She spent $1700 dollars that month on herself. from the household. We had a huge argument, and I kept a spreadsheet of the spending that month for her to pay back. When she got the cancer diagnosis she said that "The stress of me holding that over her was too much and that the stress was going to make the cancer worse." I told her that she didn't have to pay anymore towards that but I wasn't going to just forgive the debt, and her response was to accuse me of putting money ahead of her health.
Submitted February 20, 2022 at 09:55PM by ProjectDirectory https://ift.tt/1tmD32o
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