My (33f) bf(33m) has behavior that is disturbing. After 2 years together, I saw a future with him, but after discovering this behavior isn’t just an occasional thing— It’s deeply troubling. How should handle this?

He has his hands in his pants, under his underwear, touching himself like all the time unless his hands are busy doing something else. Like, he’ll be sitting around or standing around, and he’s touching himself, and not in a sexual way to get himself off or to get himself ready for me or anything— he’s just touching himself down there for no reason, like in the same way a toddler sucks their thumb— because it’s habitual for him. And, at some point (I don’t remember when I first noticed), he became comfortable doing this in my presence, leading me to uncomfortably realize he does this all the time. But that itself, while unsettling, is not the thing that really disgusts me— what is appalling to me is that he does not wash his before touching things after his hands have been down there.

After I realized this is a regular behavior of his, I asked him why he was doing that, and he just shrugged it off as normal and insisted lots of guys do that. And then he made me feel bad by saying he should be able to feel comfortable doing that in front of me without me shaming him. I was just trying to express to him that something he was doing made me uncomfortable— is fondling your genitals and then touching things Not an egregious crossing of a clear and obvious boundary of basic decency?

I know most guys like to feel themselves down there, whether it be over the over the underwear or partially under the waistband. But full on holding and touching everything down there all the time? No, most guys over 5yo do not do this.

I have no problem with him jerking off to porn and I can (with difficulty) deal with the constant non-sexual touching himself being a habit of his, but what I can’t stomach is the fact that after he touches his genitals, rather than automatically washing his hands when he gets up before touching things around the house, he just goes and touches things, even in the kitchen. This just expresses a total lack of consideration and respect for things, for the space he’s in, for other people and for basic hygiene.

I recently said something to him again, this time not addressing just the random touching himself, but the touching things after without first washing his hands. I told him he should wash his hands bc it’s not sanitary to be touching genitals (whether it’s his or mine) and then touch the kitchen cabinets, refrigerator, or to stick your unwashed hand in a bag of chips or a bowl of pecans or cough drops, door handles, etc. He replied that nobody will get sick from touching something that a guy touches after holding his junk. But even if it can't medically harm anyone, it's still bizarre to think it's okay to have genital germs all over your home or other people’s homes. You can expect the poles on the subway to be unclean, but you should be able to expect ones home, ones sanctuary, to be sanitary.

I don't want to constantly have to Clorox wipe things after he touches them after touching himself. If he was a 3yo who didn't know better, I'd understand why I need to sanitize things he touches, but he's an adult and I shouldn't have to be cleaning up after him and he shouldn't fail to see not washing his hands after touching his balls as a problem when he is in well into adulthood.

Is the incessant touching himself while not even trying get himself off just something some guys do bc slightly arousing themselves enough to getting bigger and feeling themselves at a bigger size boosts their confidence and mood? I don’t get it. He says because it’s “warm” and “comfortable”— When My hands are freezing, I’ve gotten the instinct to put my hands between my thighs where it’s warm, but not in my underwear, and anyway, neither of our homes are cold.

Does he get a thrill out of knowing residue from his junk is on every surface and everything he touches? That’s like a sociopathic, extremely concerning red flaggy thing, right? Do you think he’s touching himself and then touching things without washing his hands first on purpose or is he just oblivious? He works in healthcare, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to expect him to uphold basic sanitary standards in his life both on and off the clock. Thinking about how my parents and I ate a meal he prepared in his kitchen makes me feel sick. My parents would die if they knew.

I am beside myself, and idk what to do :( I’m worried that maybe I’ve just been so blinded by my love for him that I chose to overlook signs that I should have recognized as red flags.

Submitted January 10, 2022 at 08:28PM by thr0wa3ay30 https://ift.tt/3K2gQJW