I (F25) grew up in a big family, my parents (MF 60s) 4 siblings (20-30s) and me. It was tough to get any positive attention from my parents and I felt very alone growing up. My father was very serious about discipline. We grew up in an ultra-conservative Christian environment that encouraged punishment and “spankings”.
He would use a leather strap to deal out smacks across your backside while you stood at the counter or against a wall. You had to remove your pants first too. It wasn’t gentle and I usually couldn’t sit for a few days which was awkward at school. And these sessions could go on for hours. Sometimes he’d take a break and forget we were even in his room waiting.
And the transgressions that earned punishment could be minor - like breaking a toy, refusing extra peas at dinner, or one time when I got stage fright and refused to sing in elementary chorus tryouts. Besides spankings we might have to sit in timeout for hours as a kid, or go without dinner for a day or two or pickup rocks for a week.
I really hated him, I tried to run away a few times when I was older. Like after he broke my bedroom door off its hinges or dragged me across the floor by my hair at 16.
I hated my mom too. She didn’t like me, and told me so often. She would keep track of anything we did wrong, especially me and would tell my dad as soon as he got back from a business trip. So you’d think all week that you in are in the clear and then realize when he’s back you have a 2 hr smack down scheduled.
I really didn’t start to have a relationship with them until after I graduated college. They’ve changed so much now, they are more open minded and I credit that to them finally leaving the church and for being willing to have discussions. And they’ve done so many great things for me - paid for college, gave me a loan for a car, take us on family trips. And as a kid they enrolled me in any sport I wanted, gave me an allowance etc.
But it’s hard, I still feel uncomfortable when they hug me or say that they love me - they just never said that when I was little. We live close by to each other now and hang out frequently and who they are now is vastly different but it’s tough for me to forget how it was before, and how depressed I was as a child. My siblings sometimes imply that we should just bury it all, but I think as my mom’s scapegoat it’s harder for me?
I really would just appreciate any input or insight from those with similar family dynamics. How do you have a relationship with your parents now despite the past?
TLDR: my parents were strict disciplinarians and the punishment made me hate them. But now they are different and we have a new relationship but I struggle to forget the past.
Submitted January 01, 2022 at 11:20PM by ohmanohmyohno https://ift.tt/3naXVD1
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