Girlfriend (23F) thinks I (26M) kissed another girl, and mutual friend is stirring the pot because he wants to be with her

On Halloween I went out clubbing with the girl I had just started seeing (P), and a few other people including her brother (J) and his girlfriend (D). The next morning, I got a message from P asking if I had kissed D. I replied something along the lines of “wtf no, of course not” and got a reply saying not to worry. It turned out D had told J that she had kissed me to make him jealous, and P had sent that message to try and prove to J that it wasn’t true through my response. Apparently, D had done this before, including recently saying she had slept with another guy she knew. That seemed to clarify things, and I was satisfied that P realised I hadn’t done anything, so I forgot about it.

A couple of weeks later, I went up to the pub to meet P and our mutual friend (G). I had known G for about 10 years. P had met him about a year and half previously, but they had become good friends. It was common knowledge in our wider friend circle that G had a crush on P, but he adamantly denied it, so I didn’t feel bad pursuing her. This was especially the case considering that I got on with her so well, and there was a mutual attraction between us, while she wasn’t interested in G romantically at all.

P and I were friends for a while before we were together, but she had confided in G that she liked me. It took a while to convince P that he liked her romantically, and I only brought it up once it became apparent that he was trying to stop us from becoming a couple. It took a while for us to actually get together because she had some reservations, which I only now realise were largely to do with G. She would mention things he had said to her about me, many of which were negative or untrue, but I didn’t really want to say too many negative things about him, as I knew how much she valued him as a friend.

When I met G and P at the pub after we had been seeing each other a few weeks, she had said she needed to talk to me about something. It turned out G had brought up Halloween again, and she had started to have doubts about if she could trust me. We talked for a while, and she seemed satisfied with what I said. I had naively thought this positive as I could reassure her about it, and we could move on. I unfortunately had underestimated G’s ability to manipulate.

G did consistently do these things, but I figured that if he could divide us, it would have happened already. Around the time we officially became a couple he tried confessing his feelings to her, but she told him she sees him as a brother and wouldn’t let him finish talking. After that though, he seemed to back off a lot. He had previously tried to third wheel a lot and wouldn’t leave us alone together if he could help it, but he would now not do that. I also heard through P that he was seeing someone else, and she hadn’t seen him as much since then.

P gets a lot of attention from men in general, and so G seemed like just another guy fawning after her, so I didn’t pay him much mind. What I didn’t realise though was that because he knew her better, he was much more capable of manipulating her emotions.

The problems peaked at new year. P was supposed to be coming to a party with me but cancelled at the last minute because she was too anxious about it. I thought she would stay at home with her family as she had previously planned, but she ended up going out to the pub with J (who had now broken up with D) so that he wouldn’t be alone. They also met up with G.

P was being off with me over messenger, and later in the night, I got an extremely drunk phone call from her, accusing me of kissing D on Halloween and saying that I fancied her. I argued my case but stressed that we should talk about this in person when we were both sober, and eventually she acquiesced and she agreed to meet me the next day.

It transpired that G had brought up Halloween again (now presumably realising the havoc he could wreak by doing so) and proceeded to buy her a lot of shots while badmouthing me and suggesting I probably would do something like that (I hardly feel I have to mention that I adore P, and would never do anything to hurt her, particularly not something as detestable as getting with her brother’s girlfriend). She was in the wake of a family tragedy at that time, so was particularly emotional, and therefore open to suggestion and doubt.

I met P on new years day. We talked for a while, and it turned out she didn’t remember much of the night on account of being drunk. I stressed again that none of the accusations were true, and that G only wants to stir things to break us up, but since I have said these things before and the issues have still resurfaced, I’m feeling a little uncertain. I have always been reserved with pointing out G’s flaws as I don’t want to upset P, but at this point it seems that if she isn’t made to realise that he is deceiving and manipulating her, then he will have free reign to deteriorate our relationship.

How can I gain P’s trust, and make her realise the things that were said about me weren’t true? How can I address the situation with G, and defend against his treachery?

Thanks

TL;DR “friend” keeps bringing up the past to try and manipulate my girlfriend into breaking up with me because he fancies her

Submitted January 04, 2022 at 02:20PM by 10pSweets https://ift.tt/3JInox2