UPDATE - somewhat ex partner (23M) was abusive, he's sorry, family and friends hate him and think I (21F) should completely cut him off

Original

(Tl;dr of original: my first boyfriend was a piece of shit, but I felt conflicted about leaving because I was still naively enamored and afraid of his suicidal tendencies)

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So it's been a little over 3 years and I wasn't sure if I should write an update because my story isn't really sensational or relevant, but leaving that post open-ended has always bugged me so this update is more for me to tie up loose ends.

Reading the original after so long was maddening because I was such an idiot for putting up with that manipulative POS. But if anything, it was a begrudgingly valuable lesson to learn about toxic behaviors in relationships.

I'm ashamed to say that I stuck with him for another year in an off-on relationship, because one month he wanted to be with me, the next month he wanted to fool around with others, and the next I was the best thing he could have... I'm sorry to the people who advised me to leave immediately. But by then I had mostly checked out; in the final break (that was sparked by him saying that the emotional movie we had just watched reminded him of his ex before me), I left with dry eyes and blocked him everywhere. I heard from the grapevine that he struggled with his mental health for a while, but I moved on with my life and focused on my studies (which already suffered enough). I went for counseling, slowly eased off my antidepressants with my doctor's permission, and felt more like my old self. I ended up catching feelings for an old friend, and we've been together ever since! He's been unbelievably patient with me and my insecurities, which I'm very thankful for.

Thinking back, I feel so foolish for staying with my shitty ex for so long to the point where I lost all sense of myself. Before him, I thought that I was the kind of person who wouldn't take any bullshit, but that period of my life proved me wrong. For a while I also questioned my old college circle for still being close to him, even though they saw what he did to me - but I realized it was healthier to let it go and let them go.

Side note: one of the comments on my original post mentioned that my "grin and bear it" attitude wasn't healthy and my mom's reaction to my last mental meltdown wasn't ok. I appreciate that - I talked about it with my best friends, and I think parents' disregard for mental health problems is something most Asians would understand. It's not ok, but I don't hold that moment against her. I love her, but I now know to keep my non-physical issues from family.

Recently, someone from my old college circle told me that my ex introduced his new girlfriend to them, and the amount of anger I felt shocked me - I didn't realize just how much hatred I had built up towards him. I wanted him to stay miserably single and unhappy with life forever as punishment for breaking me, which is not something a mature person should feel. I hope I reach that point soon. Knowing him, he probably told his girlfriend that I'm just a psycho ex, like the ex before me, and the ex before her. For the new girlfriend's sake, I hope he's changed.

Anyway, I've since graduated and am now a corporate slave. My boyfriend and I are still as happy as the day we got together, much to our friends' disgust. I'm still not exactly where I want to be, but I'm glad I'm here.

Thanks for reading!

Tl;dr got out of a toxic relationship, improved myself, fell in love again, and am in a better place. All is well.

Submitted September 04, 2021 at 03:50AM by captainvnderpants https://ift.tt/3yIkSjF