My Mother Just Called My Sister a Disappointment and Said She Wished She Was Never Born After My Sister Missed Some School Assignments and Didn't Do What My Mom Asked Her To Do

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My mom is still angry with her as I'm writing this now.

tldr: mother yelled at sister for being incompentant and insulted her multiple times. I have no idea what to do and how to approach the situation.

My (f15) little sister(14f), who's being called f here, had always had to struggle with the expectations our parents gave us. Ever since we were little, our parents wanted us to do the best we can in school so we could have great jobs like being doctors or lawyers. We learned from a young age that getting even a low A wasn't enough. Getting straight As or high As was the norm not the expectation. For me, this was doable. I ended up forcing myself into a habit where if I procrastinate, I feel awful. So I can get my work done.

However, F, has slipped up multiple times over the years and end up flunking or missing assignments. Many times, my parents and I would have to help F to get her grades to high A's. There has been a noticeable increase in badly-done work as my sister grows older and goes into other grades. There has been a fight between my parents over how F's grades (my parent's marriage only stayed together because they both wanted to do it for the kids, so they have conflicting personalities and ideas. My father is more aggressive to my mother when they fight and is verbally abusive. My parents can't divorce because we're Muslims from India, and it would leave my mother ostracized, so she deals with my father).

During that time I asked F why she couldn't stop procrastinating. She said she tries to remember it, but when she is doing her work she just forgets about it. She has a math tutor because of this, but her grades remain the same more or less.

Another thing F does is sleep late. This isn't a problem on the weekends, but during school days, I have to go to her room to wake her up (she insists I do it because she doesn't like the sound her alarm makes). She sometimes tries to go back to sleep and doesn't seem to acknowledge my efforts to get her up to go to school. During one week when F was in 7th grade where she refused to get out of bed, my parents began to get angrier at each other. I told my sister she needs to wake up properly or a fight will happen. F said yes and the next day, she didn't get up, even with me yelling at her in tears that our parents will fight. They argued with each other that day, and after the fight was over, F still insisted on me waking her up.

My sister also seems to forget to clean herself, like putting on deo and perfume. She ends up smelling like sweat as a result. She also does a bad job of cleaning shampoo out of her hair.

My sister is also chubby, and my mom doesn't like that seemingly because she doesn't want to gain weight. My mother wants F to be like me and exercise everyday. I tried to help F exercise, but she always refuses.

She also seems to forget to pick up things. Even today, I gave back her phone she lost at school and she said she didn't know she lost it.

Now to what happened today- After F and I got home, a little while later my mother came upstairs and asked F why she had so many missing assignments. F said she told her teachers about them and that they were going to change them. My mother said why haven't they changed them. F said she was trying to, but then my mother pulled up another missing assignment in math and yelled at her again. She called me over from my room and compared me to F, that I was intelligent and well-kept while she was smelly and lazy, like her father.

Then, when we were coming downstairs for dinner, my mother asked F if she took a shower. F said no because she thought she was taking one tomorrow (based on a misunderstanding she had with my mother), and my mother lost it. She screamed at her, calling F her father's daughter, and how she wished F wouldn't go to school. She said that if she had a heart attack, it would be F's fault. She said she must have committed some crime to deserve a daughter like F. The one that really got to me was when my mother said she wished F didn't deserve to be born. After a couple moments of silence, F asked me if I could teach her how to play a song on the piano we had for a class assignment. I told her to be quiet. (I think she was trying to distract herself from the situation at hand). When we finished dinner and went back upstairs, I saw F go into the bathroom and close the door.

Now I'm here in my room upset typing this out. My mother told me she's going out for a walk, so its just me and F. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if I should comfort F or not, because I'm also mad at her (but not as much as my mother) for ruining her grades and having me to pick them up and how I have to help her from not screwing up. I wish she could do these things on her own, and that's also what my mother wants from her. The problem is how my mother presents herself and her problems with F. What should I do to try to help both F and my mother?

Side notes-

My mother doesn't get along well with my father. My father doesn't like to go out and doesn't like to spend money, but my mother likes to go out to hang out with friends and spend her money. They constantly butt heads as a result. They were forced into an arranged marriage together and were going to split until they realized I was conceived (which is why when my mother said she regretted F being born, I was so mad at her. I loathed myself for existing when I learned about that, and sometimes I still do, so when my mother said that, I wanted to hit her)

I think my sister, mother, father, and I have some mental disorders or cases. At one point my mother (who is an internist, not a psychologist) told me to ask F if she had depression because my mother suspected my father has depression (i think so too tbh). F said no when I asked her.

As I am writing this, my other sister (J, shes f8) is gone with my father to do tennis practice. They don't know about the fight that happened.

If you guys can give me any help in the comments, that'll be great.

Submitted September 01, 2021 at 04:54PM by throwawayi-need-help https://ift.tt/3gUV1iz