This is going to sound horrible (and maybe I AM horrible). Todd and I have been long distance friends for 3 years. We "met" through an online activity we both belong to (but have never met in person). Nonetheless, we've chatted plenty through these last 3 years (mostly text, sometimes phone).
Last year Todd started becoming more needy. He's going through a divorce (he's not on good terms with his ex) and his son (12m) has chosen to live exclusively with his mom. He made claims that Todd would often stay in bed all day (Todd suffers from depression but is on medication). He also said Todd wasn't looking after him well (never much food there, sometimes he wouldn't bother taking him to school). His decision to live with him mom and see his dad minimally has been very hard on Todd.
Todd's contract at work was ending and he chose not to renew it. He's been at home for months on disability (because of depression) but it isn't enough to make ends meet. He's always broke, and on occasion has asked me to borrow small amounts of money. He's also in family arguments with his siblings and so none of them speak now.
He's had a lot of stress in his life. But my issue is that I'm finding him annoying I guess (I know that sounds horrible). I don't really always think he makes the best choices. And honestly I'm just tired and busy and I don't love being his emotional support (again, I often find him annoying so I'm not overly supportive anyway).
He's always asking if I can call him to chat. Or if I can cheer him up. Or telling me he's so alone, so sad. All while I'm out trying to get groceries, or standing in line at the bank. I try to give him advice, but he just wants to tell me how he's so alone. Or he'll go on about how evil his ex is for brainwashing his son, or how wrong his siblings are, or he'll argue that he can't get back to work when I tell him even working part-time will help him focus on something.
He'll text me all the time that he can't sleep. I tell him to see his doctor to get sleeping medication. He says it doesn't work. Then he'll text me that he's getting up to make a sandwich. Then he'll text me that he's gone back to bed, but is just tossing and turning. Then he'll text me that he's making herbal tea. Then he'll text me that he's given up sleeping and is watching a movie. These texts don't wake me up, but I wake up in the morning to all these weird texts giving a blow-by-blow account of his night.
He will ask me if I can call to chat when I get home from work (I am EXHAUSTED when I get home....long hours and long commute...the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone). He'll ask me to "cheer him up". Or to tell him a joke. Or tell me (when I'm just leaving work) that he's been so lonely all day and it would really make him feel so much better to hear my voice when I get home.
The problem is...I don't feel like being his emotional support anymore. Now, I actually feel annoyed as soon as I see his name. It's not like I'm never supportive, but I'm losing patience so now I feel annoyed to do anything with regards to him. I feel like he's just sitting around every single day, seeing nobody, barely collecting enough money to pay the rent and buy food, and stewing about fights with his siblings etc. It's been a year....he's got absolutely nothing going on in his life and he has all the time in the world. It drives me crazy that he won't at least focus on getting back to work part-time. He needs to be busy and productive...he's sitting around ruminating constantly.
This weekend he's requested that I call him, and I didn't. And I realized I have no desire to even talk to him. If I never speak to him again it wouldn't bother me. But I know he likes me very much and considers me one of his closest friends. ???
I do not want to hurt him (but believe me....he's NOT the type who you can reason with or set boundaries with). I just kind of want out of this "friendship" now but I don't want to hurt him (especially since he's so very alone and depressed). I've tried (for a few months) rarely being available to chat/text, but that hasn't lessened the amount he contacts me.
Any advice? Am I horrible?
tldr: I'm over a friendship but he's very needy and I'm not sure how to extract myself.
Submitted September 05, 2021 at 07:19PM by Sorry-Baker-9911 https://ift.tt/2WTY7fo
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