Ok, some backstory. I (16M) found out 2 years ago I was adopted. It's been a long and honestly emotional road from there to here. I felt confused at first but I don't think of my adoptive parents as any less than my parents. They ended up telling me everything I wanted to know, provided me with means to contact my biological parents as I expressed the desire to. Here is the root of how this confusion became possible, I found out I'm a twin.
I contacted and met my twin sister before I contacted my bio parents, I thought it would be an easier first step, it felt less daunting as she is in the same position as me. I met with her and it turns out she had known she was adopted for a lot longer than I had. She said she was sorry she never tried to find me but she felt strange about the whole situation and coming to terms with it. We spoke about our bio parents and she said she had no intention of ever meeting them, that her adoptive parents are her real parents as they were the ones who were there for her. She said she was open to staying in contact with me though, which I was glad for, as before with my adoptive parents I was the only child and it feels nice to know I have a sibling.
Next step I contacted my bio parents, it started off as just a few phone conversations, they wanted to face time but I felt like our first face to face should be in real life, they wanted to know what I looked like though so I sent them some pictures. And here's where the confusion happened. I have a unisex name (that I won't say for privacy reasons ofc) and I'm a rather feminine/androgynous looking guy. I've been mistaken for a girl once before by a store owner. I would soon find out this whole time they thought they were talking to their daughter (my twin).
So, when I finally met them in person I caught the train over to where they live. The phone calls warmed things up enough for it to go kinda smoothly, not as awkward as you would worry. Until they said that they have a gift for me.
They lead me to a bedroom and say that they know it's soon but this is a place for me should I ever want to visit and stay in touch, they said they don't expect to take the place of my adoptive parents but that they want to be a part of my life if that was something I wanted too. It was a bedroom, clearly designed as a girl's room. Pink bedsheets, fairy lights, the like. Very feminine basically. And they'd even bought dresses and other clothes as gifts. This was the turning point where I could've corrected them. But I couldn't get the words out. They were vulnerable they had spent tons of money on this as a gesture to me, decorated a bedroom for me, It put a lump in my throat and I couldn't make myself tell them that they had it all wrong. And then the moment passed.
I didn't go back for a while. But I started to feel guilty, avoiding them after putting that effort in was just as bad as telling them it was all for nothing. So now, since the end of last summer I've been visiting them fairly frequently.
We've actually become really close, but I feel strange, like an imposter. Yes I am their child but not the one they think I am. Even though it wasn't my intention I feel like I'm deceiving them. And I don't know what to do. Every time I visit them I dig the hole deeper and there is no going back. I missed my chance to correct them, and now I've gone along with all this for a year. Every time I see them they have more gifts, they cook these amazing meals for me. They introduced me to extended family too. It would be an absolute shit-show if I told them the truth now.
I'm not sure what to do. If I cease contact now, I feel like I've used them, and they no doubt will think I'm some brat who used them for gifts and the like and has bailed out. But at the same time is it wrong for me to continue like this? I can't believe I'm saying this but I've actually gotten comfortable playing the role of daughter, it felt so weird and rigid at first but now I feel comfortable in the clothes they get me and stuff. Besides the fact of gender I talk to them with my real personality, so it's not like im really pretending, it still is me. But at the same time there's this impending feeling that I'm I'm doing something wrong, and fear that I will be found out. I value the relationship I have with my biological parents. But I don't know if I should allow this situation to continue. Please could you tell me what I should do? Is it ok for me to carry on without telling them? What is the best course of action in my situation? If I don't tell them, how can I feel less guilty and alleviate my fear of being found out?
TL;DR: I'm adopted. Bio parents had twins. Because of my looks and unisex name they have mistaken me for my sister (who I met before them and who claims she has no interest in contacting or meeting them.) I didn't know they had made this mistake until meeting them in person where they presented me with a decorated bedroom and expensive gifts (that were clearly for a girl) I couldn't get the words out and correct them on their mistake, and missed my moment. Since then I have played along and it has now been nearly a year of visiting them as their "daughter." Which at this point I'm not entirely uncomfortable with, but I feel like I'm being deceitful and in turn immoral. I need advice on how to proceed, do I continue as I have been? Would the right thing to do be to tell them the truth after all this time? should I just cease contact? I need advice on my situation.
Submitted April 11, 2021 at 02:26PM by turbulenttoffee https://ift.tt/2PSZisg
No comments:
Post a Comment