Hey, reddit! I'm new to posting here and this is not that serious but I thought it would be interesting to come ask for other perspectives on this matter. I would talk to friends about this usually but I feel a little awkward exposing my boyfriend's past private life to people he knows...
So, the issue is really simple. I know my boyfriend had past girlfriends, crushes, all that, he's just human after all. In fact he had more than a mere fair share to be honest lol, which already leaves me a little insecure. But to each their own, and I'm extremely happy with him as he is.
Also, I know it's only normal for people to date within their friend group even if it makes things awkward later if it doesn't work out. But we're all adults so we have to get over it.
I guess my only issue is just with two girls (let's call one Rachel and the other Mary) that were his "last loves" before me, you could say. Because they were the only ones to not want anything with him. I know he had time to get over it but it still makes me uncomfortable.
Rachel was a girl he befriended through Mary like a year ago. She was in a relationship when they started talking.
Then when she and her then boyfriend ended things early in 2020, Rachel and my boyfriend went out, slept together, basically hooked up and tried to see if things worked out.
My boyfriend, in the time that she was still with her ex, had built up a lot of expectations to be with her. Apparently she was the one to not want anything serious at the time (due to having just left a serious relationship) and he didn't take that rejection well so things fizzled out between them.
But I don't think things ended very well between them (even though my boyfriend says he has no ill thoughts about her) because they don't talk to each other at all and avoid being in the same room together. But since they're part of the same friend group, they go out together. I actually wondered the first time my boyfriend brought me along to a hang out that he was only doing it to spite her and make her jealous and that's why I feel so insecure being around her...
And Mary is a whole different story. Even when he was with Rachel, he had deep feelings for Mary. He had them for so many years (they've been friends for 4 years) and my boyfriend always had it in the back of his mind that Mary was the girl for him but she never wanted anything other than friendship from him. That didn't stop him from thinking about her even until last year, when he was with Rachel, a few weeks before meeting me.
I don't know, now that I know I just don't feel that comfortable around them. I always feel like I'm the odd one out. And I wish I could say I didn't have a problem with my boyfriend being with them, but I just do. Even before I knew anything, the way he talked to Mary was so teasing and flirty, even in front of me. It actually bothered a few times, but I never mentioned anything because I thought they were just good friends. Apparently he has loved her for such a long time.
Also, I guess since I just don't really understand exes staying friends, you know? I've stayed friendly with all my exes, sure. But we don't talk regularly. If we see each other around or in events or with friends we have in common we're pleasant with each other. But having a best friend who was my ex seems so weird to me, I just can't wrap my mind around it.
TL;DR - boyfriend hung out with Rachel before we met and was rejected, after building expectations to be with her. Meanwhile he was still in love (and might still be) with Mary while he was with Rachel. And then there's me, the fool. They all still hang out, there is tension between boyfriend and Rachel, they don't speak to each other. And my boyfriend is very flirty with Mary (something I noticed before I knew about their story)
Submitted February 18, 2021 at 05:16AM by VegetableRow3908 https://ift.tt/3pz07Cg
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