Hey guys…might be a long one:
TLDR; I’ve recently been improving and gaining recognition for my work and college and now my long term friend/colleague is upset with me.
I [21F] have a long term friend [20 F] and we are working towards the same degree in web dev. My friend is the type where it’s ‘My way or the highway.’ Anyhow, we’ve been really good friends since High School and we’ve been in a ton of classes together and you could say that we both work really hard and strive to be better versions of ourselves. We are always pushing each other--or so I thought.
A year and a half ago I was pretty lost in what I wanted to do and you could say that I wasn’t extremely confident in my own abilities, but I always worked extremely hard in my classwork. During a meeting with a professor he shared with me that I have left a great impression on all of my professors and that they talk about me during their weekly meetings (alongside other students I’m sure). Up until this point I always thought I was a nobody, so hearing this from people that I looked up to almost made me cry. I shared this and my feelings surrounding it with my friend and her immediate response was “Oh yeah, they said the same thing about me.” Which she said very passive aggressively.
And…at the time I didn’t know how to respond, I was obviously happy for her because ‘hey that means we both work really hard and we’ve gotten the attention of our teachers!’ But I think there was more to it.
Recently, we’ve been asked to work on a mobile app together for another college at our university—so there’s a lot of on the job learning but that is expected and so far it’s been well. The workload is about 60% for me and 40% for her which is great. I really enjoy the code and you could say that I’ve been understanding it a bit faster than her for now—and I always assumed that she would pick it up fairly quick too.
However, I’ve noticed a change in how my friend speaks with me. She’s always known her path for web development and you could say I was a bit of a late bloomer, but I have figured things out (and fortunately in time for graduation after this semester.) And I put in the extra hours between school and breaks that I’ve caught up with her. (We both have our unique strengths)
I noticed this behavior started when we shared each other’s code and I saw that a process that she was doing in her code could be simplified/the time would be cut down 90% if she used this simple package/tool. So, just small things/tools that I’ve been using that I thought would make her life easier. And she gets VERY upset with me, scoffs and refuses to use any of my suggestions.
I thought, alright, no worries, they were just suggestions and I’m still going to use them and they won’t break your code so no big deal. But things have started to really stack up lately.
As a general overview, I would often congratulate her or compliment her and her graphic design/her coding projects that she has done in the past because I thought her work was really wonderful and I wanted to push her to keep going. Lately, when I show her my work she quickly brushes it off or gets very annoyed with me.
The other day, I mentioned that a mutual professor of ours offered both of us a job for a company after graduation. I was told first because I so happened to catch them in a building and they extended the offer to my friend as well and asked me to tell her. Of course I was ecstatic because other than this App I don’t have any Web Dev experience on my resume.
So, when I told her over chat, she first listed out how much work she has: for the last 3 years she has worked on an ecommerce website for a company, and she’s currently building 3 websites for her uncle, and now she has this app. So, I explained that the work would probably happen after the semester was over and she responded, “well I guess I would have the time.”
I’ve started to feel very self-conscious about what I tell her, because 80% of the time she will get upset with me. And it’s hard to suggest changes in her code/work, even though she will immediately change my work. She is quite stubborn so I’m not sure if talking about her will help?
Any suggestions or thoughts?
Submitted February 08, 2021 at 11:49PM by ResistPerfect https://ift.tt/36WGFZK
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