We’ve been together for 3 years now. He’s never been happy with his life. For 3 years I’ve tried to help, to listen, to offer advice. Every time he gets upset with how his life is, his number one defence mechanism is to make things worse. He self destructs. He hurts people using his words. Especially me. Since I’m always there. He ridicules and belittles me. He compares himself to me and somehow makes me feel worse about myself too.
Today we had an argument and he asked me why do I put up with him. Why do I stay? What do I get out of our relationship? Why do I let him be like this? He asked me what I love about him, and I couldn’t say one thing. I just did.
On my drive home, I burst into tears. I haven’t cried like this in a long time. I didn’t cry because I was upset about the relationship or because of the argument. I cried because I felt so sorry for myself. The questions he asked me hit too deep. He’s right. Why do I stay? Why do I do this to myself? When did I lose this much self respect for myself that I put up with all the screaming, the belittling, and the complete lack of effort and respect?
I deserve so much more. So much. I’ve got so much going on for me, and yet I chose to stay with a man who’s not deserving.
I know I should leave. I know reading this, you might think that hell, I already know what I need to do, so why don’t I do it already. But even with all these thoughts, a part of me wants to stay. I want to stay for the 80% of the time were he’s not in a bad mood. For the laughter and the love and the nice moments on days when he’s not pissed off. Once I’m about to do it, I get hit with a ton of good memories. I keep thinking, he’s going to change, and am i making such a big deal of an argument? Doubts creep up in my mind, and I end up not doing it.
But I know I should leave. I know I should stop being so weak minded, and just go. So please, anyone who’s ever gone through the same thing i’m going through now, can you please give me advice. For all those who have left a relationship even though you still loved the other person, because you know it’s not fair to yourself anymore, please give me the push that I desperately need. Please.
Thank you
TL;DR, 3 years of verbal abuse, please help me get out of this cycle
Submitted February 08, 2021 at 02:24PM by throwRaoweit https://ift.tt/36X37ls
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