TLDR; I feel uncomfortable and anxious about my boyfriend's relationship to his new female coworker/mentor because they get along very well. I've communicated this to him, but he doesn't tell her that he has a girlfriend because she will help advance his career.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over 2 months now. We had some differences in the beginning, but we cleared it up and both decided that we want to keep working on this relationship. I know we have not been dating long and he hasn't done anything to make me distrust him, but I feel a little uncomfortable and jealous of his relationship with his new coworker/mentor at work [33F] who he met a week after we started dating (he also started a new job). He works remote because of COVID, so they mainly have meetings on his work laptop. I usually love texting and talking in a relationship, but we don't really text each other much because he says there's not much to talk about and we don't have too much in common besides our beliefs and similar mindset. I tried my best to adjust to it because I wasn't used to it. Even when we do talk on the phone, it's usually less than 10 minutes, but we do see each other about 2-3 times per week as well.
I've addressed this situation to my boyfriend twice. I told him that it makes me a bit jealous because he and his female coworker get along so well, and I would like to just talk about anything too the way they do. I didn't want to seem needy, but we established that clear communication is key to making a relationship work. Sometimes I'm over at his place when he has work meetings and they talk for a few hours, little relating to work. We never talked about the things that he talks about with her, but it's our age gap he says, and I try my best to understand. He's reassured me that he loves me and doesn't want to date anyone else. At this point, it's my anxiety and he says it's in my head. I have been talking to my therapist about it and I know it's gonna take some time and patience, but sometimes I just get anxious because I know they're talking, but he doesn't seem interested in talking to me much, but he says likes spending time together. He seems very happy talking to her, which is what I want him to be. He also texts her in the morning too and they even talk on the phone off the clock, but he can't talk to me on the phone for 10 minutes because he dislikes talking on the phone for too long. I told him that I'd like to text a little more as well and I do see some improvement.
Additionally, he hasn't told his female coworker that he is seeing someone. He told me that he doesn't want to mix work with personal, but they shared some pretty personal things with each other already regarding friends, family, exes...etc. I also brought this up to him and he says that she will help him advance in his career, so he purposely doesn't tell her because I think it will affect their relationship. He already suspects that she is interested him because she's single, but sets no clear boundaries besides telling me that they are just friends and he enjoys talking to her. I told him that it would reassure me to set boundaries eventually, but I'm not sure he will.
I know my jealousy may be overboard, but I don't know how to deal with feeling anxious about this after we talked about it together already. I still continue to try to keep busy like reading, hanging out with friends, working out, etc. because I know my life doesn't revolve around this relationship.
What I want to know is how can I manage my feelings of anxiety better and stop feeling jealous all the time? What would you do in this situation? Do my feelings seem justified here or am I thinking too much into it?
Edit: grammar.
Edit 2: I also want to add that he sometimes does share the same things with her that he does with me when we talk, but some things, he only talks about with her.
Submitted December 25, 2020 at 04:25PM by throwaway03954 https://ift.tt/3nQjnvl
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