We've been together for 15 years. We are both 35. Not married. She used to laugh at marriage so I didn't bother proposing because I didn't really care but recently learned that she secretly wanted me to propose. Unfortunately, it lead to resentment. Silent resentment. Then, she dropped a bomb and told me she needed her own place and that she is looking to buy her own house.
First question was why. She said she needed change in her life. She needs a break from everything, including ours kids and our family.
She has no patience anymore. Constantly getting irritated by our kids. Told her she might have depression of some sort. "I don't have depression. I know how I feel like"
Asked her if she wanted to go to counselling. "Nope, I don't want to tell my problems to a stranger and it won't solve anything. I need this". She said she still love me but it's not like it was before. I asked (almost begged/cried) her to stay and we would work on our issues. Answer was "What do you want us to work on? There's nothing we can work on that can solve this. I need my own place. I just need to be alone. Do you think it doesn't make me sad? I'm really sad but I need this".
After a few weeks, the dust settled down. Her life, her choices. We always paid everything 50/50 so I agreed to remove her from the mortgage and own the house myself only. Kids would be on 50/50 shared custody.
Told her that I don't see how our relationship and our family life would improve if we live separately. Bedroom has been dead for years (sex once every 3 months). She said "why not?". She wanted us to stay a couple but live separately.
I told her that if she really wants our relationship (and our family) to improve, she should talk about it and then we could work on it instead of leaving. Feels like she's giving up. She tells me that I'll be fine and I will enjoy staying at home alone with no one bothering me. This is what she wants, every other week.
"So you're probably saying that I,m breaking the family apart. You probably hate me. I bet you will tell everyone that I'm a bad person"
So weeks passed by. I think we hugged 3 days ago and kissed last week. We had sex a month ago.
Today, we had an argument of some sort. She was asleep on the couch and I sat down next to her and started playing with her hair. She told me to get the F out because I was in her bubble. I said yeah well in 2 months you'll enjoy not having me by your side! Or maybe its because you want another guy playing with your hair!
I went upstairs and then I opened facebook. First thing I realized: she changed her relationship status to Single!
Went back downstairs and asked her about it. "Well, you pissed me off with your comment. I was angry at you. And you keep saying that our relationship will end so better end it now! Asked her why, got no real answers. Except one that was "stop living in denial" that made me wonder. We "talked" for a bit (nope, she never talks about her feelings). Asked her if we were still together, "i don't know, maybe".
I just can't live without real answers. This is killing me. I want her or I want her out. No inbetweens.
Our anniversary was 2 days ago. Every year we would do something. This year, not a single mention of it. I told her hey its our anniversary. "So what, there's nothing special abou tit. It's like any other day"
But today, I came back from work and she acted like nothing happened. She said that she wasn't sure she wanted to leave anymore. She said that she changed her facebook status to single just to piss me off. I started asking questions, why she changed her mind, she said "You know what? Forget it, I'll just gtfo. It will save you the trouble. That way you'll get rid of me".
I don't get it.
What should I do? Why she does that?
TL;DR: She wants to leave. Some other days she doesn't want to. I don't know what should I do.
Submitted September 30, 2020 at 08:09PM by toiletpaper0202 https://ift.tt/3kXbNwM
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