Strap in, this is kind of a long story.
My mom can be a really intense person. The kind of lady who is really fiercely protective and takes no shit. Her and my dad gave me the best childhood possible- we got to go on family trips, we would do fun mother-daughter things together, and birthdays and holidays were always effortful and great. I still have a good relationship with both of my parents, but in the past few years the same problem just keeps coming up with my mom.
My mom gets really mad about lots of things. Lately I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time. I was supposed to go back to school, but instead I'm finishing my graduate degree from home, while both of my brothers do school from home too. My family has a LOT going on- there's rescue cats to take care of and we have a new dog, too. I love having these animals around, although it was my mom's initiative to take on these extra responsibilities. These need near-constant supervision and lately lots of vet trips. My brothers and I do the vet trips and supervise the dog for 8-10 hours per day, which means that one of us can't be studying at any given time. This involves a lot of cleaning up after the animals to make sure they don't ruin carpets or belongings. My parents generally expect a clean house when they get home, and often one of us will make dinner (but not every night). I have approached both my parents separately about how my grades are slipping and I'm not doing so well, but my mom got angry and my dad brushed me off.
A few days ago, we had to take a pet to the vet. It was a few hour wait for the vet to monitor the animal, so we went shopping for Halloween things in some stores about ~30 minutes away from the vet instead of driving the same length home. The kitchen was not fully finished when my mom got home. She seemed tired when she got home, but we talked about the day and I made an easy dinner. I picked up my brother from work (I had told her to leave the clean-up to me), and when I got home she had done the kitchen and she was livid. She refused to accept my apology, saying I was giving her attitude and it wasn't sincere. I had plans to stay at a friend's house so I apologised one more time and left.
I got a text from my dad saying we needed a family meeting about responsibilities, so we did it the next night. My brother who feels as frustrated as I do, began to yell about how he had taken on so many responsibilities lately and it isn't fair that they got mad. I didn't yell, but I backed him up that it's a challenging situation and it felt unfair. They were SO MAD. They said if my brother felt that way, they were taking him off the car insurance and he could go stay somewhere else. Full disclosure, we don't pay rent or groceries or anything because we're still in school- this is where I might be in the wrong. My parents started chastising me for acting this way when I live at home and don't pay anything. They didn't kick me out, but they were really angry so I went back to stay with my friend. I'm still here and my parents haven't reached out in a few days.
I've never argued with them like this before. Usually I just own up to whatever is bothering them and apologise, but lately my mom refuses to accept my apology, and it seems like she just isn't ready to stop being mad. My brother has also gone to stay with a friend, which leaves one brother at home with my parents. I have no idea where to go from here- my partner thinks that if I apologise and go back, it will be worse than before. On the other hand, my mom is stubborn about these things and is unlikely to put it behind us without me saying that I'm sorry and taking on more housework. What do I do? Am I a bad daughter?
TL;DR I had a huge fight with my parents over housework and now I'm staying somewhere else. My instinct is to suck it up and do what it takes to make things okay again, but other people I know are saying that it's not okay and not to apologise. Everything feels wrong and I don't know what to do.
Submitted October 30, 2020 at 12:05PM by Throwaway_am_i_bad https://ift.tt/2HSQoHa
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