My friend [30F] who suffers from depression has gradually ghosted everyone we know over the past few years, including me [29F].

I've known her for a long time now. We were super tight in college--she was like a sister to me. Even though we ended up moving to different states, we remained pretty close after school. For years we talked all the time via texts or videocalls. Then four years ago (around the time of the 2016 election) her depression got worse. Over the course of 2017, she disappeared off social media (I get it, social media's kinda evil) and also stopped replying to pretty much all emails and messages from everyone we mutually know. It got to the point where the only way to get in touch was through her roommate. But then her roommate moved in 2018, and there was no longer any way to get a hold of her.

Throughout 2018 and 2019, I would send a text or email about once every two months or so, with no reply. I stuck with it for all of 2019, and finally FINALLY got a reply in the winter thanking me for reaching out, that she's been dealing with depression and anxiety issues, and it meant a lot that I didn't give up trying to get a hold of her. We had a nice videocall, and it was really great to catch up. But that was a year ago now, and I've never gotten another reply to a text or email since then.

All our mutual friends have given up. I can tell it hurt them that she disappeared, and they figure she just doesn't care about their friendship anymore. I have dealt with anxiety and depression, and I know it can be tough, and that social anxiety is a beast. I don't want to just abandon her... But it's been years now, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm crazy to still try reaching out. Like... is it even my place to be worried at this point? Am I being overly dedicated to the memory someone who I barely know anymore, who hasn't bothered to reach out in years? For all I know she actually has a new group of friends and is doing super great, and I'm just worried about nothing. Or maybe she joined the fucking CIA--that would explain things.

I know she has (or had?) a boyfriend, but I've never actually met him, so it seems like it would be super awkward or highly inappropriate to reach out to him out of the blue and be like, "Hey, you don't know me and I don't even know if you're still my friend's boyfriend, but do you know if she's ok?" Any advice would be helpful.

TLDR: An old friend has vanished off the face of the earth, all our mutual friends have given up on trying to contact her, and I don't know if I should give up too.

Submitted October 26, 2020 at 08:04PM by hypatiaspasia https://ift.tt/34wqUbl