The love of my life left me after 8 years, and took with her the second love of my life (our cat) after I gave her everything and I'm broken

Hello Redditors! I've been lurking this forum for a while, kind of knew for a while one day I'd be here posting this, and here I am.

I'm not really looking for advice, I guess this is more of a rant/vent. Unfortunately we live in a society where men have to suffer quiet and alone, or we are perceived as having low value or just weak in general, so this is probably the only place where I am able to let out my frustration and pain, without being judged or ridiculed while hiding my pain and sorrow from everyone around me.

So I [33M] have been together with my GF [33F] (I guess now EX) for over 8 years. She was the first real relationship I've ever been, so she's my first love. Although we were quite different in the things we liked to do and our goals, we had a great relationship. I am career driven man, while she's more chill about her career and prefers to enjoy life, sing, paint, etc.

When we first met, she had no job, she had left a very toxic relationship almost a year prior, she was unemployed, no car, but It didn't bother me. I don't look at someone's value based on their income. She comes from a really nice family, she's not into crazy parties, clubbing, going out every day, etc. She was pretty chill and I loved that.

A few months after we started dating, I found her a job and got her a car (yep, just a few months into our relationship), which I paid for for a while until she settled her finances and could take over the payments. About a year later we moved in together and then about a year after that, I bought a house and we moved together.

Everything was great, living the America dream, we had a home, we adopted some kitties, we were happy. We talked about marriage (I proposed about a year and a half into our relationship), we talked about kids, we picked names for the kids, etc.

I think the beginning of the end started about 2 years after she started working at this company, where she had someone harassing her and making inappropriate comments. She tried to brush it off, but after a while she couldn't take it and talked to the manager about it (she talked to me first and I fully supported her decision). But it just made things worse for her, and they retaliated against her by micro-managing her work, and just being complete assholes to her. This made her feel pretty bad, she was always coming home very stressed and anxious, and she started hating her job. She decided to quit and I 100% supported her decision (and this is where I believe things started go downhill, and never really recovered from here).

She did not work for almost a year, I covered all the bills, her car, her gas, food, everything. I made sure to make her feel like it was ok, we were not struggling financially, I was able to pay all the bills, but obviously I'm not rich so I couldn't save too much. We had to cut back on some eating out etc. During this time that she had no job, she became depressed (which I didn't know she suffered from depression), and when we sat down and talked, she confessed that she always suffered from depression and even had suicidal thoughts since she was young, but she never mentioned it to me before because she never felt those feelings since we started dating. She doubted her self worth, often saying she felt worthless and shit, because she had no college degree and no job. I always tried my best to let her know that she shouldn't think like that, that she'd be able to find a great job because she was great at everything she did.

I also supported and even encouraged that she go back to school and get a degree, while I would provide for both of us in the meantime. And she did take some courses which I also paid for, but ultimately she did nothing with that.

Over the years, she bounced back and forth between low paying jobs, mainly because they were jobs she said she loved and had fun at. She's the type who thinks she wants to work at something she's passionate about, not a boring corporate job that pays good but are miserable. I again supported her decision and helped her as much as I could. However, her depression became worse and worse over time. Yes she was working at places where she "thought" she was happy, but the pay wasn't. This made her feel insecure, and the feelings of self worth resurfaced. She felt like she had low value because she didn't make too much, but would refuse higher paying jobs saying they would make her unhappy. It was a recipe for unhappiness no matter how you look at it.

All of the things she was going through mentally, and on top of that, she suffers from extremely painful cramps. We went to see many doctors, none were able to help. Dozens of tests were done, they could not find what was wrong. Her pain was unbearable and she could not function. I do have to mention that this was also not a problem at the beginning, because she was on birth control, but after getting off of it, her cramps became an issue. We had unprotected sex for years, and the kids never came. We weren't really "trying", but we said, if it happens, happens. Not getting pregnant after so many years just added to her frustration, now she was even doubting her worth as a woman. I tried everything I could, I am blessed to have a great insurance, and we saw many doctors, but all of this just made her depression worse, and she stopped even trying.

After everything she was going through, I tried to be as helpful and supportive as I could be. Her depression was affecting her ability to function as a normal human being, so I tried to make her life as easy and comfortable as could be. I made sure she wouldn't have to worry about finances, I cooked, I cleaned, I did laundry, I would give her foot massages, I would brush her hair, I would remind her to take her pills, I would tell her how beautiful she was every day, and tell her everything would be ok, I paid for all the bills, I would buy he gifts once in a while, I would make breakfast or buy breakfast and bring it to bed, I would make her coffee which she loved, I'd buy her ice cream. And when she wanted to go over her friends house and drink until 2-3 AM, I was ok with that too. I never gave her shit about anything, never tried to control her, what she did or who she hung out with.

Now was I perfect? Absolutely not, as any relationship, there were things I'd say or do that bothered her, and we would argue once in a while, but we never had a toxic relationship, and no arguments we couldn't fix after a couple of hours.

Little by little though, she was grown more distant. She stopped being intimate, she stopped being as friendly, and eventually she stopped wanting to have sex. We both have (had? I still do, but she doesn't) great high sex drives, but that died some time ago.

About 2 years ago, she finally said it. She said she was not in love with me, and wanted to move out, but couldn't afford it. Her parents were not happy to hear this (and obviously neither was I). She got into an argument with her parents, and even accused them of loving me more than her. Her parents just did not want her to leave me because they knew I was a positive influence in her life, but she just just took it like her parents chose me over her. This affected her and probably resented me for it. I was more understanding, and offered her to stay living with me, but we would move to separate bedrooms. Honestly I was just hoping that over time she would get better and reconsider. I kept supporting her financially and emotionally, even though we were no longer intimate as a couple. For the past 2 years I have lived in the guest room, with a tiny closet, so small that all my clothes don't fit, so I use half of the bed to fold shirts, and I sleep on the other half, still cooking and cleaning and giving her as much love as possible. Ironically I found a meme a few days ago that said "when you love someone so much, the other person doesn't have to love you back", that hit me, because it felt like directed to me.

Fast forward to 2 nights ago, and she finally packed all her things and left. What can I say? I am broken, I feel like someone died and I'm the only one who knows about it. The grief, sorrow and anger I feel now have taken over me. I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, it's affecting my work, and it's affecting my relationship with my family as I have acted hostile towards them, and just ignore their calls now. Obviously I cannot talk about this to anyone, I've never had an emotionally open relationship with my parents or siblings, we don't talk about our personal lives as some people do (like my now-EX for example). And I cannot talk to my friends about this. Meanwhile, she talks to her family and friends about her problems, she's a girl after all, she gets a lot of support and love from everyone (not saying this like its a bad thing), I'm actually glad she is receiving support, I think she needs it more than me and I hope she is able to overcome her depression and become happy. Despite the pain she's caused me, and as angry as I feel right now, I still love her, and I wish that she's able to somehow someway find happiness, I still do believe that she's a great person, who is just suffering from a mental illness. She never cheated, and never gave me a reason to doubt her. She doesn't have any guy friends and and only ever hangs out with 3 female friends at their homes, or at ours when they'd come visit to drink.

So here I am, in this house that was built by us, full of memories, suffering all alone, feeling like a piece of me died, and I don't know how to deal with this. This is the only place I felt I could share my story and let some of my frustration and anger out, to a bunch of strangers I'll never meet and I won't feel like I am being judged.

Sorry for the essay, even if nobody reads this, I felt like I had to say it anyway, because it is probably the only place where I can say it. I will take these feelings to the grave, or perhaps if I ever find another partner, maybe a few years into our relationship I might share some of this pain, who knows.

​

TL;DR my GF of 8 years left me after I gave her everything and I feel like I am broken. She also took the cat which we both loved very much and now I feel very lonely and I have no idea how to recover and how to even come to terms with this new reality. This is taking a mental and physical toll on me

Submitted October 28, 2020 at 08:06PM by Mao305 https://ift.tt/2TxNBFV