My (49M) ex-wife (45F) is thinking about going back to her abusive boyfriend (45M) and I don't know what it's going to do to our children (21F & 18M)

My ex-wife and I get along and we're still friends. We co-parent our kids even though one is grown and the other is a senior. We decided our son would be best living with her (she moved 6 hours away) so she got custody of him, but three months into living with her and her boyfriend our son chose to come live with me because the BF threatened him with physical violence. I have fault here because our son told me this but I never told his mom. I didn't think she needed the added guilt of that and just figured to get him out of the situation was enough so I framed it as he "wanted his dad".

Fast forward a year or so later and my daughter and son go to visit their mom at their grandma's (away from the BF) and they both tell her how he's beat her down into a submissive wreck who has no resemblance of the strong woman she used to be and who won't let her do anything aside from wait on him. My son told her he just wanted "his family back together one last time" and while talking to my ex I believe this night had a big effect on her because she chose to leave the bf a little while back. We made plans to do Xmas at grandma's and for everyone to come to my house for Thanksgiving.

In talking to her last night I mentioned how our son had just mentioned how much he was looking forward to Thanksgiving and she stated she's not sure if that (or Christmas) is going to happen and how she just wants to go back home to the BF (and had went and spent a few days with him this week). Now there is difficulty in her life (moving to a new area trying to find employment and trying to make ends meet however she can) which I think is putting pressure on her and making her entertain (what I think is) a bad idea. But I have no skin in the game and can't tell her not to go back to him.

I've told her she is always welcome at my house (platonically) but I'm sure it's more than just physical security that is making her think of going back. I don't know... I don't feel as if I have the right to dig into her feelings deeper with the history we have. Although there's the side of me that says that's exactly what friends do so if I'm really her friend I'll call her out on it.

I just don't know what to do. I'm praying nothing changes and Thanksgiving & Xmas plans are still on so I'm waiting until the last possible moment to tell the kids, but at the same time, I'm girding my loins for (what I expect to be) the fallout with my kids.

tl;dr: Ex-wife is thinking of going back to abusive boyfriend and I fear what it's going to do to our kids' relationship with her and I don't know if I have the right to tell her she's making a mistake.

Submitted October 30, 2020 at 05:52AM by rlanthony https://ift.tt/2JkCe2a