Forewarning, it's 2AM and I'm up after being woken up by my dog barking, as is usual, so expect that irritation to color the post.
So, both my wife and I are huge animal lovers and is a part of the reason I married her. However, we have had two very different approaches to rearing dogs. I have always had very high-willpower dog breeds that need to be consistently trained, which isn't always 'pleasant' for you when you have to do things like crate training, ignoring them when they want attention, and setting up clear boundaries. My wife's family has always trained their dogs as if they were human babies and think that simply cooing at them is the solution to all problems and just accommodating your life around their wants.
We got a puppy a few years ago and I found out that any time I tried to train the dog, my wife would get extremely upset at the softest stuff like putting the dog in a crate when it was time for us to have dinner or go to bed. We were doing positive reinforcement at first, but she just kept giving the dogs treats to reinforce bad behavior because at least the dog would stop barking as long as she was holding treats. Any time I tried to punish the dog by taking away chew toys or separating them from the group, she would get upset and just go and give the toy back and let the dog back in and give it extra attention because it was whining.
At first, the dog wanted to be at the table when we ate together. She will insist on climbing into your lap as you eat. I told her flat out that this was unacceptable behavior but she just dismissed it because she thinks it's cute that she wants to be 'like the people' and I have to explain to people why a dog has a literal chair at the dinner table.
The biggest problem is the bedroom. My dog that I trained before we met has always slept in the same bed as us, but understands that she just needs to stay at the foot of the bed and basically be invisible. The younger dog instead learned to get between us. Any time I physically interact with my wife, whether cuddling or kissing, the dog will insert herself between us. Again, this is 'cute' so she allows it to continue, even though I have told her repeatedly that I hate that I can no longer lay in bed and cuddle with my wife without a jealous dog getting in the way.
Our sex life in bed has literally become nonexistent. We have to go on vacation and leave the dogs behind in order to actually have sex in a bed. One year, when we had separate showers, we had sex maybe five times in total. We bought a house with a shower large enough for two, but I have told her repeatedly I don't enjoy it nearly as much because it doesn't involve any pre- or post-cuddling and is basically me trying to perform a high-intensity workout in a sauna and trying to wrap it up before I need to get on a zoom call for work.
And if not being able to hold my wife in bed isn't enough, the dog gets set off by just about every damned thing from neighbors backing out of the driveway late or the air conditioner clicking on - EVERY NIGHT, including this one, we are woken by shrill barking. The few times I have taken the dog to lock her in the bathroom, my wife gets upset and a whole fight happens and I have just started sleeping in the guest room.
When it comes to the future: I don't know what to do. We talk about having kids, but this experience with the dog makes me reluctant to actually have them. My wife acknowledges that she spoils the dogs and handwaves all bad behavior as being cute, but assures me it would be 'different' if we had a kid. I have no reason to believe that this would be the case, and instead get the feeling she's going to be the type to make endless excuses on the child's behalf and any type of parenting that is hard or unpleasant, she would just refuse to do.
I'm just at a loss. I have been very clear with her with my wants: no dog at the dinner table, no dog in bed, would like to occasionally have sex in a bed, would like to sleep without being woken up by barking. All of these just get flatly ignored. I can't think of a single time where I have asked for some accommodation and actually got it. I feel like I'm at the point of just having to sleep in our guest room and issue her an ultimatum that she can sleep with dogs or me.
TLDR: Wife wants to spoil our dog to the point that we can no longer touch each other without it getting jealous. I no longer see the point in even going to bed with her since I just read my phone and go to sleep. I've been very clear with my desires, she acknowledges them but then disregards them. Next step ultimatum or something else?
Submitted October 30, 2020 at 01:03AM by throw-away1433 https://ift.tt/2GfRKey
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