My [30F] husbands [30M] behavior could have endangered our toddlers life. I don't know what to do now.

I love my husband and I do not want to leave him. I want to work things out with him. He is my best friend and an amazing father. I just don't know what to do from here. I'm on mobile.

My husband and I are in a relationship funk. We were happy, we got and still do get along great. This strange behavior change started 4 years ago when we began to try for a baby. He started having performance anxiety and his mood and his usual personality started changing from being a happy jokester to just being down all the time. It took us a long time to get pregnant. I was patient with him and supported him throughout all of his performance anxiety. He would always say how thankful he was about it.

There are many things that have built up over the years mostly stemming from his change in mood. What really attracted me to him was his humor. I was always laughing with him. Now we never laugh. He's always down. He had a job promotion opportunity that he rejected because he thought it would make him feel worse.

I noticed sex between us had been feeling one sided for me since I was the one that would ask for it. I decided to stop asking and see if it was just my imagination on it feeling one sided and to wait for him to initiate. We hadn't had sex in 5 months. We hadn't made out, no spontaneous romance or anything. It just died the moment I stopped initiating.

We're both in therapy. Him to see what's going on with his mood, me to work on my mood. I've been feeling very unloved and unwanted. This whole thing has really affected my self esteem. He tells me that loves me and finds me attractive but I haven't heard him call me beautiful in, possibly this entire year. He doesn't want to end the relationship but it feels like he's putting minimal effort in us.

We have talked about this multiple times. His response is usually like "I just haven't been in the mood" "I just need to work on my own things right now" "I'm not ready to do that yet"

I don't know how long I'm suppose to wait for him. I'm lonely, sad, I feel ugly and unloved. I told him if the bedroom stays dead by next spring I might walk out. I don't want to, but I'm trying to be realistic. I do not want this kind of relationship. I don't feel like a married couple. It feels like our relationship turned into friends coparenting and I hate it.

I know he's going through a lot at work (he a health care worker) and it's been putting a lot of stress on him. Also has a second super part time job. There are times that he works every day of the week. Also stress from his family.

Then there's potential substance abuse. He's been using weed and alcohol to escape. He's turned into a stoner. And when he's not smoking he is drinking. He is not an angry person. He never gets belligerent, he just checks out a lot with us. But when he's alone he over does it. One time he over did it on shrooms, woke me up at night to help him feel safe. I was upset. I wanted to be there for the baby but I ended up having to take care of him for several hours until the baby woke for a night feeding. I made my mood happy so he didnt have a bad trip, but I was furious in the inside.

Then there was that time he drank too much while smoking weed. It was like 1AM and I woke up to him yelling. It was terrifying! I got up and found him on the couch with a bloodied eyebrow and blood on the floor. I asked what happened. His speech was slurred and he kept saying "I'm fine". I told what are you talking about your face his bleeding, "no it's not it's fine. I'm fine." He would stagger to the bathroom and that's where I got a closer look. He had a deep cut that spanned half his eyebrow. No matter how many times I asked how that happened he would just dismiss me say he was fine. Then went in and out of conciousness. I had to take him to the ER. I helped him in the car and I had to pack my sleeping toddler. It was so hard that night and I had to wait for him in my car (because of Covid I couldn't go with him) at 3 AM with my now awake toddler while he was at the ER. I told him the next morning that if he ever pulled shit like that again I was leaving. He apologized profusely and said he was going sober up. That lasted a couple of weeks.

Today I had a lot of HW and he promised he'd watch our toddler for us. He said he was going to do some groceries with toddler to pick up a few things. The closest grocery store was 5 minutes away from our house. He was gone for over an hour. I called and asked what happened. And he said he got lost trying to go to another grocery store (an organic grocery store. He likes the organic ones for some reason). I found it odd he got lost going to a store he usually went to. When they got home I got the baby he smelled like dabs. I confronted my husband if he had smoked from his pen while driving with the baby and he said just tried to act like it was no big deal, that he did it right before they left and that he felt sober. I told him it was a big deal because he got lost going to place he always went, and that he endangered our toddlers life by that reckless behavior. It took him a while to own up to what he did. He cried and apologized and again said he will be sober from now on. I told him I didn't believe that, and that he damaged my trust in him. Then more sad arguing.

Now here I am. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost. I'm unhappy. I feel like the man I married is different now. I'm scared something could happen to toddler in the future. I'm trying to be patient. I really don't want to end things. Maybe couples counseling but do we need it if we're both already in therapy?

TL;DR: Unsure of what to do after recent husbands reckless behavior that could have endangered our toddlers life.

Submitted October 27, 2020 at 11:03PM by air-port https://ift.tt/34CZ3q5