Hi everyone,
I started a LDR with a girl I met through a friend, which lasted about a year, and culminated her moving across state lines to be with me in the city. Everything was great, and we were truly in love with each other. Because she moved across state lines, and because she expressed the desire to leave her toxic field of choice and try her hand at something more banal, I agreed to take on the burden of supporting her for a while until she had a job. She would take on most of the cleaning and groceries etc. while I was at work. I even agreed to sleep on a mattress in the kitchen because she had chronic insomnia problems and required very specific constraints under which she got sleep (I could not tolerate these while working).
I feel like I've done everything I could for her, including taking care of her expensive medical needs, which destroyed my savings. After around 1.5-2 years, I started to develop an anxiety disorder under the stress of supporting her. What had at first been something I was willing to do out of kindness and love quickly became a consent issue, and has turned into a burden. Fast forward to now, 4 years after she came to the city, and still no job. I am a nervous wreck, and I feel completely emotionally run down by the burden of supporting her. I've destroyed my body by putting on weight due to the stress as well. I used to be pretty happy and carefree, but now I'm just depressed and anxious all the time. We have a nonexistent sex life because my sex drive has tanked completely. I don't know what to do because I still love her and we have a loving romantic relationship otherwise. She's never really done anything... wrong... if that makes sense. She's been loving, helpful, and genuinely seems affected by not succeeding in finding a job and helping shoulder the burden.
I never really cared for my mental health much before, but it's really starting to affect me. I've become emotionally unstable, and sometimes the stress and resentment come through in my interactions with her. The hardest part about this is that I can tell she's trying and just... failing. I've tried to help and I've been rebuffed several times and only able to help a bit, but otherwise, she hasn't done anything wrong. If she has, I haven't been able to tell what's she's doing wrong in particular, because I can't and don't want to be there 24/7 to monitor every job application! But I am resentful because I feel like I've sacrificed everything from my body to my mental health to make this relationship happen, but it's just not happening. What do I do?
To make it clear, this is a big, deal-breaking issue for me that I've told her is my primary source of stress and anxiety. I don't see much change, and I think she's too ashamed at this point to give me updates, which just compounds my stress because of the radio silence.
tl;dr ldr gf turned irl hasn't had a job in 4 years and I've gone from happy to anxious wreck supporting her. What do?
Submitted October 27, 2020 at 03:15PM by Epicyclez https://ift.tt/3e208L2
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