My (29M) married roommates (28M) (26F) have set a restriction on when I can come home and feel disrespected if I wake her up.

TL:DR My roommate (26F) feels disrespected because I come home when she's asleep. Her dogs hear me and growl/bark and wake her up. I disagree and because I pay equal bills and rent that my access should not be limited.

Full story: Them and their 2 cats and me and my one cat moved in two years ago when they were dating. We all needed the help financially so it worked out. The house we rent is on the small side so I took on living in the basement and they took on living in the upstairs "loft". I understood as a condition of being in the basement I'll hear them walking around, cooking in the kitchen, coming down to the basement for laundry, and coming and going since the door we use is at the top of the steps to the basement. Sometimes they'd go to work early and wake me up, or come home really late and wake me up. All of this is perfectly acceptable behavior and I wouldn't want them to feel like they can't do these things since they're equal parts roommates.

Fast forward 2 years, they now have 2 dogs (which forces their one cat who hates dogs into staying with me full time in the basement) and my roommate is now a new nurse and working midnights meaning she sleeps during the day. When this first started it was talked about in this "yeah its gonna suck but please be quiet during the day" kind of way which is completely understandable. Well I live close to my work so I'd often times come home for my lunches. 2-4 times a week. The first week of her schedule I came home quietly, made a sandwich, then went to the basement to watch TV (low volume) and hang out with the cats.

Then I get a text the next weekend that says "please don't come for your lunch". I didn't even know how to respond to that. I didn't feel like this was a request. I thought about it, didn't respond, and decided that it wasn't really a big deal for me to plan my lunches around not coming home. I still felt it was a bit ridiculous to set a restriction on when I could be home but fine, I can be accommodating.

Well one day I woke up not feeling well so I took some medicine and went back to sleep. Woke up feeling good enough to work a half day so at noon I showered then left. About an hour later I get a very passive-aggressive text about how I'm not considerate and it ends with #havesomerespect (yes she used a hash tag in a text...). Apparently I shut the door too loudly. I'm honestly blown away that it's escalated to the point where she feels disrespected at this point. I didn't respond, wanted to talk to her in person. Well I haven't had that chance but I talked to her husband, the other roommate, and he completely disagrees with me.

In short our conversation was essentially:

Me: I would never ask or expect either of you to limit your access to the house due to my schedule. It's not a big deal for me to plan my lunches around it but how I was told and since then has honestly felt disrespectful to me as an equal parts renter.

Him: No, it's her midnight and she's asleep. You coming home makes the dogs bark/growl and wake her up and you need to respect that.

Me: I'm sorry but the dogs are not my problem. You need to do something about the dogs, not do something about the roommate.

Then he started digging into personal stuff and other things I do/don't do. He even said that it's "sad that almost 30 that you're like this" in regards to the cleanliness of the basement. Which is a shared space minus my room but their cat also stays down here. I don't keep garbage or food down here. It's just dusty with cat hair and my stuff is disorganized and Idk maybe cat throw up hiding somewhere. It's a basement. It takes on water and moisture. There are bugs down here. The litter boxes are down here. How clean do you expect it to be? I don't judge their room's cleanliness nor do I care. We have a break in our expectations of cleanliness so Idk why he had to get personal. When you have roommates you'll obviously have issues with how they live and this whole time I just thought that was understood and I've held no grudges against how they've inconvenienced me but apparently he's keeping a list but holding onto the list to throw in my face when we have a disagreement over something else.

Anyway my question is does this seem salvageable? Am I being disrespectful? I could see me being labeled as disrespectful if I was cooking big meals, playing music, having guests over and watching TV in the living room where she'd def hear it but I don't do that. I'm open to hearing how I might be disrespectful but I don't get how they expect me to act if I take time off or on the weekends since anytime she wakes up from me is an opportunity for her to feel disrespected. If those instances aren't disrespectful then I really feel like they're splitting hairs here. I have the means to move out when the lease is up in the spring but I'd prefer to stay another year so I can properly save to buy a house instead. Any and all perspectives are welcome. Thanks!

Submitted October 28, 2020 at 10:38PM by DarthArterius https://ift.tt/2TvHJgl