I (31F) am turned on my imagining my bf (35M) with other women, and I am confused and concerned about myself

*edit: typo in title, which should b: I (31F) am turned on *by* imagining my bf (35M) with other women, and I am confused and concerned about myself

A little background first. I have been with my bf for about three years. We've built a terrific life together, and he is absolutely in my future. However, the beginning of our relationship was a little rocky. We were used to very different dating styles; his relationships were shorter/less serious than mine, all pretty chaotic, and his exes a bit more "loose" in their lifestyle than I. I say that with no judgment, but they were okay with things like his liking suggestive social media photos, maintaining contact with exes, and the sexual presence of others in their relationship.

I, on the other hand am pretty traditional. My serious relationships prior to bf have both been men, and very monogamous. I've never felt comfortable with the idea of a serious relationship being open, nor do I desire it at all. I grew up verbally abused, have fairly low self worth and as a result, have always been super jealous in relationships; sometimes justified, sometimes not.

There has never been infidelity with my bf or vice versa, but at the very beginning I had issues with the level of contact with one of bf's exes as well as his volume of "likes" on social media. Though I knew that this was something he did prior to us dating, I therefore internalized this behavior as his having some issue with who I am. When I spoke to him about it he apologized, said that he didn't realize how bad it made me feel, and promptly stopped.

I of course forgave him and appreciated the fact that he actually listened and the issue fell away. My jealously lingered perhaps subconsciously, but I no longer had reason for it to bubble up. I would say that we've always had a great sex life but around the two year mark, a large part of my being able to enjoy myself is due to imagining him having relationships either with an ex, or one of the women whose photos I noticed he liked consistently. The problem is that it happens, like...a lot, when I'm not under the influence of anything at all.

I'm trying to figure out what this could mean. I weirdly guilty not telling him, but then I suppose it's actually not his business if it's a harmless fantasy. I want it to remain that way and have no desire to bring another woman into our bedroom. Has this happened to anyone else? Any insight appreciated.

tldr; I've started to fantasize about my bf with other women I've been jealous of. I have no desire to manifest this but am confused why it's happening/wondering if I should do anything about it

Submitted October 31, 2020 at 12:28PM by ThrowRA_Confused1983 https://ift.tt/31VVOIv