I'm nervous to post here because I've gotten really mean and toxic responses before, but here we go I guess.
My (20f) boyfriend (20m) and I have been dating for 4.5 years. We love each other a lot and we have a healthy relationship. We do not live together, we both live with our parents.
However, I'm starting to see some big differences between us. I get up early every morning and get my day going. I'm in college becoming a doctor. I have friends that I like to spend time with. I have lots of hobbies that I keep up with.
He sleeps all day. He's taking a gap semester in college because he was failing every course. He only has online friends and has stopped seeing his local friends. He still hasn't met my friends even though I've invited him to stuff with us several times. We don't go on dates. He can't drive and doesn't have his license even though his parents bought him a car. His hobbies include sleep and gaming, though I know he's also interested in gardening and fishkeeping but he rarely pays any attention to those.
I want to go do stuff with him often and enjoy life together. I want romance between us. I buy him gifts for every holiday because I want to make him feel special and loved.
He says no to all my plans and hates coming to my house. He always says yes if I ask to come over. He sometimes says no to any plans because "my friend is home and I wanna play games with him." Which is fine, I understand he wants to spend time with his friend, but he says no to me for video games way too often. I'm the busy one, but I'm the one surprising him at home all the time and making time for him while he makes no change to his plans, which are sitting at home. Romance is not a thing between us except saying we love each other. Our dates include laying in his bed and watching TV or the occasional going out to eat. He never buys me any gifts, and I don't care about gifts because I have too much stuff anyway but it feels like he's not trying at all and that makes me very sad, especially when I'm putting together nice gift bags and romantic stuff every holiday. He has more money than I do (he has a job and I dont because school is hard as hell) and doesn't have any bills because his parents pay for everything, and he spends a lot on stuff for fun.
I want romance so badly. He makes zero effort in our relationship at all. In high school he never asked me to be his girlfriend it just kind of happened, he never asked me to any of the dances we went to, he never does anything nice for me.
For our first anniversary I wrote love letters to him all year and gave them to him all at once and I don't think he read them. I baked him stuff all the time, I made him playlists, I asked him to dances, I do everything romantic and it's getting so tiring because I NEED some reciprocation if this is gonna work.
And before you all tell me to just talk to him about it, I have. So many times. So many. I've even tried to break up with him over it a few times and he freaks out and somehow we work it out and I stay. He says that he IS romantic and that he feels like he DOES try.
Its also impossible that he's using me for sex because he says no to sex and physical contact a lot. We sleep over probably 1-2 nights a week and sometimes I feel like he only does it because he feels like he has to. I just wonder why 1-2 times a week and often much less is almost too much for him. I don't think it's that he dislikes it or me, I think he's just not very touchy, which isn't a big deal to me but still leaves me confused. Shouldn't he be at his sexual prime?
I'm really unhappy with my relationship and I love him so much, breaking up isn't an option to me. What's going wrong and how can I fix it?
TL;DR- Me and my boyfriend are polar opposites. He doesn't try in our relationship and I try a lot. I'm unhappy but he says he feels like he's trying a lot. Romance doesn't exist between us. What's going wrong?
Submitted October 25, 2020 at 06:27AM by djdooba https://ift.tt/31J0a5M
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