I am feeling like my world has exploded, and everything I was sure of in life is fading away.
2 days ago I came back from walking the dog and I overheard my wife having a work call - nothing too uncommon. I started cleaning the bathroom and overheard some of the conversation, on which I picked up some level of flirtation between both of them. I decided to confront her on that the same night.
She said she has been battling with a change on her feelings for a while now (6-9 months I tend to think). She started talking to this man at her work about 1 month ago and developed the feeling of the thrill of a new relationship, which she says she has lost with me. We've been married for 3.5 years, together for 6.
Our story is a complicated one (fairy tale on paper). We met while we were studying and started dating but her visa ran out. We continued dating long distance for 2 years until we got married, and moved in together 3 years ago. She said that through this time, we've been always building up to the next step (first the thrill of dating, then long distance yearning to be together, then once we moved in a new country building a life, then buying a house). Now that we've been established in our own home for about a year, she says she has lost the connection with me.
For the last year she's been working like mad. Got a promotion at work which has always been important to her and I never skipped a beat supporting her when she worked long hours. I cook dinner for her every night, catch up on how her work is going and tell her I missed her and would like to spend more time together, but her work in the end always got first.
She now has told me that she found herself not seeking to spend time with me, and instead enjoys more spending time with her friends. She says she doesn't know why she's feeling this way, and needs to work through it. She said she doesn't know if what she feels is romantic love for me or not.
I am, of course, devastated. I love her like the first day, and thought that I was doing the right thing by giving her space to fulfill her career ambitions, but this seems to have created a distance between us that I was completely blindsided on. Up until 3 days ago, I couldn't be more sure that we were going to start a family very soon and grow older together. I still picture us with a family every day.
She says she's committed to trying to make our marriage work. We've talked about counseling, and probably will go ahead with it. What else can I do to rebuild the spark? I have explained my feelings to her and how deeply hurt I am, but I will do everything in my power to rebuild this. The feeling I get from her is that she's really unsure about her feelings though.
I'm sorry for the long post, hope that my stream of thought is more or less clear
Thank you
TL;DR: My wife tells me her feelings have changed over the last year after I caught her flirting with someone from work. She tells me she's committed to try to save our marriage, but I feel like everything I was sure of in life is crumbling under my feet. What can I do to rebuild the connection?
Edit/update: thank you all very much for your responses. A lot of you mention that the emotional affair needs to end - she committed to it the very same night I confronted her on it. We kept talking for the last few days and we committed to a plan, to spend more time together and build our relationship from there. It's going to be hard work, she is very careful in measuring her words not to give me false hopes of progress
Again, appreciate all your input
Submitted September 24, 2020 at 10:56AM by galego_throwaway https://ift.tt/2RZ47Ol
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