My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2+ years & living together for ~6 months. We had a really solid relationship, and we both thought the other was our life partner
I have PTSD & DID (dissociative identity disorder). But I've also been in therapy since I was 14, so I've learned a lot of tools to make sure I can be myself (including mental illness) without crossing boundaries or breaking trust. My bf knows about my traumatic past & we talked about it from time to time, but I handled most of my issues in therapy
Over a week ago, my bf had a major breakthrough about traumas similar to mine, which he'd repressed. I also repressed memories in my past, and I have a lot of empathy for him. He's having a nervous breakdown, which I'm totally confident he can recover from... eventually
The problem is, he's hurting me in the meantime. We agree on boundaries, he breaks them, & then he forgets, runs away, or shifts blame onto me
For example: I asked him not to talk about triggering things without warning me, but he does it often. When I talk his eyes glaze over, and no matter what I was saying he brings it back to himself immediately afterwards. If I leave the room, or tell him he hurt me -- basically if I try to protect myself in any way -- he blames me for causing the issue
Last night during sex he crossed my most important boundary. I was devestated, but I managed to stay calm & confront him. He couldn't hear me, though. First he laughed at me, then he said it wasn't his fault because he didn't remember the rules we'd agreed on, then he tried to force me to go to sleep & stop talking, then he told me we were both learning & he "forgave" me for being upset, then he said I was being cruel and triggering him on purpose, and finally he just left the house. He answered my call this morning to say he was alive, but wouldn't tell me where he spent the night or when he'd be back
I know he'll pull out of this intense period of memory loss & pain, and I know I can support him through the longer process of trauma recovery once he does. But I'm not sure how long I should wait for the acute breakdown to end
Should I dump him as soon as he comes home? Should I set a timer & wait another week, or another month, with the pain and fear he's causing me? Is there some other solution I'm not seeing? In moments of clarity he sees me and really apologizes, so I know underneath the breakdown he's still the man I love. I don't want to miss out on the rest of our lives together
TL;DR my boyfriend's nervous breakdown is hurting me. How long should I wait for him to pull out of it?
Submitted September 25, 2020 at 12:04PM by Abstract_Throwaway_ https://ift.tt/2EyH8qa
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