What a clusterf**k. My boyfriend has a good heart. He's earnest and has the best of intentions. But he sometimes regresses into a petulant child when he's stressed out. We've been together for 3 years so I've dealt with this on a few occasions.
We travelled a couple of times together and he behaved poorly when stressed out/things not going well. We talked about it and I said I am not happy with that type of response. (To give you an idea of the behavior...once we were in another country and we went out for a full day. We were staying in what I thought was a well-known hotel. At night, we caught a cab back. His phone was dead. When we told the cabby where we were staying, he said he wasn't sure where that was and asked for the address. My partner asked me to look it up and just as I went to, my phone also died. He then was very angry with me for not having memorized the address even though he also had not done so. I can't even remember what all he said but it was embarrassing because he was really angry with me in front of the cab driver).
Anyway, the lastest issue: on the weekend my cousin stayed with us. He wanted her to have a good time, so he really wanted to go hiking and to a look out point. He thought that would be fun for her, plus give us all a chance to spend time together outside. He was all excited about it.
However, I know how things sometimes go with him, so I asked him to figure out exactly where we were going. I don't know if he really agreed to do that....I think he said he's never been there but it can't be too hard. I reminded him since I was doing the driving, I need him to know where we are going.
As we started driving, he told me he was down to 10% on his phone. I asked him why? Since he knew we were going out, why not charge it? He said he forgot. But he knew where it was so he gave me directions.
By the time we got to the park, his phone was dead (stressor 1). It was also very very hot (stressor 2). He asked me where to go and of course I don't know (I've never been there before). We started to walk up to the first path but it was closed. He was starting to get stressed out. He then kind of snapped at me that I NEED to use my phone to figure it out. Well, it's not like GPS. It's a huge park and I'm not even sure exactly where to look (or where we were). I was looking around for a park map. He then repeated (more annoyed) that I NEED to use my phone since I'm the only one with a working phone. I was carrying stuff and my eyes were a bit watery due to allergies, so I handed him my phone and told him to look himself. I wasn't rude but I was testy. Because I didn't want to be responsible for this to begin with (and in fact would have preferred to lay around the pool).
He then tossed my phone onto the ground. My cousin didn't say anything but she just picked it up and handed it to me.
We then started walking on another path and because I still was unsure where to go, he was still grumbling about how the WHOLE DAY WAS RUINED. It was extremely embarrassing. But within a couple of minutes we figured out we were on the right path and his mood improved dramatically and he apologized for being "grumpy". The rest of the day passed without incidence.
My cousin didn't say anything to me directly, but she apparently went home and told my aunt/uncle and other cousin that my partner is abusive. My aunt then called my mom, who called me very concerned.
I repeated what had happened and my mom was upset and told me that yes, that is abusive and unacceptable.
I feel sick now. I feel like his reputation has been tarnished and my parents no longer like him. How can I fix this?
tldr: partner got upset in front of my cousin and she told my family that he's abusive.
Submitted July 01, 2020 at 06:41PM by Negotiation_Grouchy https://ift.tt/3ghnMD9
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