Today, my boyfriend of 2 years & i got into a disagreement on our way home from the grocery store. He got upset with me because I asked him if anything was up because he had been acting a little different. He got defensive & i asked him why he was getting defensive & being rude, i had no ill intentions by my question, he told me i need to “stop asking stupid questions.” I drop it even thought I’m upset by his behavior but i don’t want to bicker about it.
When we get home, I decide to take some time to myself & take a shower as that usually helps me when I’m feeling upset + hot/humid icky summer weather. He asks if we can talk, i tell him not right now-I’m going to shower. He keeps begging me to talk to him... i tell him we can talk after my shower. He asks me “why not right now?” in a raised voice. I go into our bedroom & close the door because i don’t want it to escalate into a fight. As soon as i close the door he starts yelling & i heard very loud thumps & bangs. Sadly i already know what he’s doing so i just get in the shower with the bathroom door locked because i don’t even want to see the damage that’s been done. I sat in the shower & cried & tried to calm down because i was shaking. He kicked a hole in one of our doors & threw some things around in our spare bathroom, at least that’s what he said he did & all that i could see.
This is not the first time & i hoped the last time would truly be the LAST. He promised me 3 weeks ago he would never be this person again after i gave him an ultimatum after one of his outbursts that left me crying & frustrated. Our entire house is covered in random holes in walls, or marks from him punching them or throwing things at them. Even some of my broken belongings are still sitting on our desk.
He apologized, at least he did that this time around. When he saw me crying he told me he hopes i don’t think he would ever hurt me. He hasn’t physically hurt me... but i can’t ignore the fact i find myself scared of him when he acts like this.
I’m beyond devastated. It’s like I’m living with 2 different people. He can be so loving & caring at times... then he turns around & treats me like he doesn’t even love/care about me.
Plus I just accepted a job here this week as things had been going so well & i had been struggling to find a new job with the pandemic going on. I’m supposed to start in a week... & now i just feel so stupid for ever believing it would change :( He did all of this knowing our relationship was on the thinnest of ice... after a week of him belittling & yelling at me & i give him a chance to really get it right this time. He swore. I know it’s my fault for giving him another chance after that.
I want to move out as i KNOW this kind of environment is not healthy & i mentally & emotionally cannot handle it anymore. Unfortunately all my family lives out of state & due to COVID my friends are unable to help me out... plus that job i accepted. It’s going to take some time for me to get myself on my feet financially & find somewhere to live on my own. So for right now I am stuck where I’m at.
My heart is just in a million pieces & i don’t want to make my family or friends worry about me by telling them about all of this. I’m just sitting here alone in the house (he’s working) & feeling lost as to what to do anymore.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I’ve never had a relationship like this and don’t know how to approach my specific situation.
Thanks to anyone who reads this whole thing, i know it’s a lot
TL;DR: bf with a bad temper put another hole in our house after i gave him an ultimatum; don’t know what to do
Submitted July 01, 2020 at 09:00PM by goldenstgal https://ift.tt/2D1XXJ3
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