Sorry about that title... I saw an opportunity and couldn't resist. But the actual matter is quite sad.
As many people we watched the recent Space X launch together on livestream. I know that my GF had a phase of wanting to work for Nasa for a while as a kid and an avid interest in space in general, but to my knowledge she hasn't really been invested in that as an adult apart from getting excited over space news sometimes. Anyway, we were both excited and cheerful, but a few minutes after the launch I could tell her mood begin to change and she seemed to get quite upset actually. As always she tried to hide it but I can tell. So as we were about to go to bed I asked her what's up, and she said 'nothing' at first but then suddenly burst into tears and cried inconsolably for about 30 minutes. It was like a floodgate burst and I didn't really know what to do because this was the first time I've really seen her display such intense emotion.
You must know, my GF did not have a very happy childhood emotionally. I learned early when we started dating that her only remaining family member is her mother who she hasn't talked to in years because she was very abusive to her. Apparently she was consistently emotionally abused all throughout her youth and sometimes physically too, and her father died early. From the few direct quotes and such that she gave me of her mother, I was appalled someone could treat their child like that. All this time however my GF seemed to be fairly 'over' it (I understand that of course you can't be 100% over something like this, but she had been to therapy for some years and seemed very calm and factual when she told me these things). But now as she was crying she said it had upset her to see this launch and how everyone was cheering because it reminded her of how she wanted to work in this field as a kid and it didn't go anywhere because her parents laughed about it and always made her feel so stupid and incapable that she just assumed right away she wouldn't be able to do it. And that maybe if she had pursued it she could have been there now, or at least achieved 'something that really matters'. And all throughout explaining that she constantly apologized for 'being so dumb about this'.
I tried to console her as much as I could but I don't feel like it really did anything although she calmed down and tried to laugh about it eventually. And since then she has seemed pretty down although she again tries not to show it.
I don't think this is actually about her regretting that she isn't an astronaut now. Mainly because my GF hates both Maths and Physics which as I understand it would be absolutely essential for such a job. I think this has triggered her insecurity about herself for some reason. It's not the first time that she feels insignificant or like she should have achieved more. She actually works as a video game developer now and is usually very happy with that, and to me that is impressive enough. She is also in general quite talented at many creative things, a GREAT singer etc who has already appeared on multiple songs (released under labels) etc. but she always thinks she has to do more and that everything she has achieved doesn't count for anything. When she achieves something she is slightly happy about it for like 5 minutes and then is already back 'down' and very factual about it and why it wasn't actually that huge. It makes me so sad because also I feel like nothing anyone says convinces her in any way. I also don't want to talk down to her or invalidate her feelings by accident. I am not very good at consoling people so I often don't know what to say really or phrase my thoughts awkwardly.
So uh.. any advice for something I could say that might cheer her up?
tl,dr: GF had some old hurts triggered by watching the space x launch. I want to make her feel better about herself but have no idea how. Help?
Submitted June 02, 2020 at 10:24AM by sleajuka https://ift.tt/2U4PyKo
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